And the band plays on...

This one will be quick...

mainly because the boy with my name and I are headed out for some I-Hop.

Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity anyone?

Seriously though - I deleted the last ten posts because they got too personal and despite the anonimity of cyberspace, they don't only belong to me. They tell the story of the people I love and you know how I hate to be the butterfly.

Wings flappin - hurricanes in Guam.

I'll rewrite them later tonight - not to censor myself but I think there's a better way to say what I need to say and I think its important to share. Folks who don't live with PTSD every day can't imagine what its like - especially for the family members (mostly the kids) of the one who is suffering.

The story needs to continue to be told.

TIA

Earl

The boy with my name

Funny - in the middle of all my whining (lets face it , thats what this blog is), the boy with my name smoked his final history paper this semester. Despite all that my children have been through with a mother living under the veil of TBI and PTSD and a father struggling to live through everything else, they manage to keep going and sometimes even thrive.

Just goes to show that maybe nurture isn't all its cracked up to be.

TIA

Earl

Nothing to fear but fear itself

BBG is involved in an arts program to help with her PTSD, with some Artsy kind of folks and soldiers from Fort Carson. She is actually a good painter and already an artist in her own right for Quilting and Fiber Art. These are her friends and they help each other so she jumped right in when they said they were coming up to Denver from the Springs to hit some of the galleries.

This is our text stream from this morning. I am at work and trying not to get fired for always being on the phone.

BBG: They are coming to pick me up
Me: Good - have fun
BBG: yeah I'm excited
Me: Cool - Have fun
BBG: I want to go
Me: Thats nice. Have fun
BBG: I will because it will be fun
me: Good
BBG: They're on their way
ME: Great Hon
BBG: I'll be headed out soon
ME: Have fun - Ciao (read hint hint - GOOD BYE)
BBG: Well I'm going to get ready
ME: later (Thinking - You're not ready Already???!)

5 minute pause - sound of me actually doing work in the back ground

BBG: They just called and they are at the old house (We moved 19 months ago)
Me: Did you give them the new address?
BBG: I guess I forgot
ME: Do they have it now?
BBG: Umm - yeah
ME: OK
BBG: I was hoping they'd just skip me since they went to the wrong address
ME: Really?
BBG: I don't really want to go - I think
ME: Oh
BBG: Its in the city
ME: uhh yeah (Duhhh!!!)
BBG: I'm tired
ME: uhh huhhh
BBG: Lots of people and stuff
ME: uhh huhhh

mysterious five minute pause - getting ready maybe?

BBG: heading out now seeya (Happy as can be)
ME: ????

Some days are just freaking exhausting!!!

Earl

It lives

Title says it all... and I've been gone for awhile...

I left because I think I needed to ignore Iraq for awhile. truth is you really can't ignore it. seven and a half years since BBG got the humvee helo plane hospital plane hospital plane plane ambulance hospital ride home from the big sandy and it is crushingly part of every day of our lives. Putting it down on paper just keeps it at the surface and I decided to let the fire burn low for awhile.

I had planned on a couple of months

give or take (30ish)

and now here we are... he's baaaack

(Insert visual of kid on tricycle and creepy ghost girls here)

I'm not sure how much I'm going to talk about life after Iraq, PTSD, TBI etc. or how in depth I will go. How many times can you say it sucks ass and has been as tough on you and the kids as it has been on BBG before it starts to sound like whining?

TBI month (Yes - this month) and my novels got me thinking about it again so I think I'll just see how it goes.

Wounded Warrior Project - Denver

Denver - May 23, 2008 Soldiers Ride

Thanks to the Wounded Warrior Project!! BBG Had a great Day!

TIA

Earl

Two posts tonight - back with a vengence

First post:

My friend - Aviation Commander, father, husband, PTSD sufferer who I have repeatedly promised to tell you about called yesterday to thank my wife and I for our service.

She deserves it - as does he.

I, a glorified whirlybird bus driver, do not.

I'll bypass his story for now and share our conversation.

Him: Dude how are you? Hey, sorry we haven't talked in a couple of weeks. Wife had the baby - she's beautiful and amazing (Baby and wife).

**NOTE: He gave me the stats and all I can remember is baby girl, name is normal, and she was 19.5" long - I am pathetic and I apologize to mother and father. Remember me as a caring friend with the memory of a toad.

Me: Congrats brother. You must be so proud - two beautiful daughters.

Him: I am - she lights ups the room - lights up me.

Me: How are you doing? Writing much lately?

Him: Fuck no - I just can' get into it lately (sad for an award wining Columbia MFA). I try but it just won't come. I'm a slacker!

Me: You OK otherwise?

Him: Kinda - the nightmares are really bad. Almost every night. At least I'm up when the baby cries though.

Me: Any luck with the VA? (his disability package is in the purgatory of the VA process. So much for reducing their average wait time down from 173 days. I'm a six sigma black belt and guarantee I could cut it by 30% but they have declined my offers to help)

Him: No - I'm kinda giving up on that. I get to see someone from my wife's health care program. They have no clue what war is like but at least its someone to talk to.

Me: I'll make a call on Tuesday to my wife's VA therapist she'll get you in.

Him (resigned) Sure dude thanks - whatever you can do.

As god is my witness, I will call this therapist tomorrow morning first thing. She is overwhelmed with troops in need and probably has no life outside the VA but she'll get him in. She cares and will go the extra mile. I owe her my life, my wife's life and our marriage and I'll ask for one more favor. She'll find a way to get him in. The VA is filled with folks like her. They care and give to the detriment of their own lives

My friend needs help and it isn't readily available. As an Army Officer this shames me. As an American this shames me. On this Memorial Day, we owe our freedoms to good men like my friend yet very few are doing everything they can - except for the overburdened caregivers at the VA - they do it until they become casualties themselves. Unable to bear the weight of so many and still take care of themselves.

If you read this, do me a favor and send a copy to your congressman or senator. Ask them to ensure this stops happening. Share it with your local newspaper or your neighbor. We need to get the word out and keep it in the headlines until it stops - until all get the help they need, We owe it to them.

TIA

Earl

Sometimes you just have to get away

Its been two months and one day since I've posted - sorry! I'll make my excuses short and get back to what I do.

1) Work has been insane. As an aside (meaning on my own time), I've fallen into providing process engineering support to an engineer and inventor who has developed some material that provides ballistic protection at weights that are significantly lower than what is currently out there. Imagine a humvee that is not so top heavy it flips every time you turn a sharp corner or imagine body armor shaped like your body at half the weight of what our soldiers are currently wearing.

Amazing!

2) I've been tired. Every once in awhile I get wrapped back up in me. I'm tired of being the caregiver. I just want to be a husband or a dad. I don't want to be the husband of the disabled Iraq vet. I will always be that but sometimes I like to pretend I'm not and so I stay away for a time.

Our lives are OK right now. Summer is coming and no longer having the ability to regulate body temp is definitely starting to affect BBG so I am wary of what summer will bring. I am already starting to find my children tucked in at night wearing an occasional ski toque. On a brighter note, she is involved in some sort of project which will be highlighting women vets and their lives post Iraq/Afghanistan. A photographer and writer was here today and will spend some time with us over the next little while learning about our lives.

Smart money says she'll be half crazy by the end of the week. Thank god for the meth lab in the basement!

It felt funny. I know I write about all of this so its not exactly a secret but it's different somehow when you say it out loud. Perhaps there is comfort in not saying things out loud. There is certainly a certain level of comfort in the anonymity that comes with being the average unknown redneck writer in the blogosphere and I must admit I kind of like that.

So I'm back - Tomorrow, I'll share a story about a friends son's sad return from Iraq and his efforts to get retired and have his VA disability completed. As per normal, it could be mapped at the same speed as continental drift.

TIA

Earl

Taking Chance

Many of you who have followed my little rants against the world for a while, know that I was one of the contributors to the NEA, Boeing, Random House Book - Operation Homecoming and a member of one of the two documentary films made about the book. I was very fortunate to attend book signings at the Library of Congress and around the country and to meet and interact with some of the greats in American Literature: Andrew Carroll, Mark Bowden, Jeff Shaara and Ray Bradbury and all of the brilliant young men and women who contributed to the book. Very cool stuff for an aspiring writer.

I never read the book in its entirety until I got a copy at the book launch and signing at the library of Congress a couple of years back. As I flew home from DC to Denver on a packed United Airlines 757, I read it cover to cover. It is a powerful read and as my story is a part of the collection it is even more poignant. The last thing I read was "Taking Chance" by LTC Michael Strobel. It's the story of his travels, escorting the remains of Marine Chance Phelps home to his family in Wyoming.

In this airplane full of harried business folks on their way home from a hard week's work, I cried as much as I cried when I got the 0330 call from a young Marine LCPL at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center as BBG was unloaded from the medevac flight out of Iraq.

Although I would love you to read the book to hear all of our stories this one is a must read and a must see. Below are links to Operation Homecoming, the documentary film about the book, and the trailer to Taking Chance.


Operation Homecoming:

http://www.nea.gov/national/homecoming/index.html

Muse of Fire - Documentary Film (Free DVD):

http://www.museoffire.net/Request_a_DVD.html

Taking Chance:



TIA

Earl

When you need it done right

I stole this post from Airman Mom, another milblogger who has a great site. You can check her out here:

http://airmanmom.blogspot.com

She made my day. I hope you like it.

A soldier was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give! you exactly 15 minutes.'

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting'.

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier got out of his chair,went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, 'What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?' The soldier calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me.'

On a side note - I have another post ready for tomorrow but it was just too sad to talk about after seeing this. I'll post it tomorrow.

TIA

Earl

VFW: Vets Take Care of Their Own

The new year is here so now I live up to my promise.

Less me and more them!

Last Sunday, the VFW and Women's its Auxiliary, here in Denver, treated a group of vets and their families to a day at the National Western Stock Show. My wife and children and I were fortunate enough to be part of that group. They took care of us, bought us tickets, lunch, dinner, games, and included disposable camera's, cowboy hats for the kids, and for some reason a huge gift card to a local grocery store. For a day, we got to relax and we got to spend some time with other disabled vets and their families and some families of currently deployed service members.

Members of the VFW and the Women's Auxiliary escorted us throughout the event. I spent the rodeo seated with the parents of Navy Seal Danny Dietz, Navy Cross honoree, who was killed in Afghanistan in 2005. Two people who gave the most precious gift a parent can give to their nation gave a little bit more to me and my family. I am honored and humbled to have spent time with them and my simple "Thank you" was inadequate at best.

Once again our Veteran's Organizations have proven that we take care of our own.


I'd like to give a shout out to the individual folks who put this on but you know how I am about calling out names here and I'd how hate to be the butterfly so as a prior enlisted Marine and an Army Warrant I'll fall back on old faithful - Semper Fi!

I had the chance to spend some time with a young soldier who was badly wounded in Iraq back in 2005. He can walk again and despite the dark sunglasses (Post TBI Migraine need) it was like walking with many of the NCO's I have called my brothers, friends, and soldiers. He has been beaten up and broken up but he is not broken down and its his story I'd like to share today. I'll call him "M".

M, like my BBG, was hit by an IED or many as is the case for lots of our disable GWOT vets. After three tours, he has a traumatic brain injury among other issues. He was rushed out of the Army like so many others. He was not retired by the Army. He was given a ten percent disability, a small severance check and sent packing. Like BBG, he is changed forever. Like BBG, he grimaces and pushes on, ignores the cane in the corner when he can, and gives thanks for what he has left - his life!

His parent left their home and life in New Mexico to take care of their baby boy because that's what parents do. They came to his aid so he didn't have to live in a VA Group Home and so they could ensure he received the best of care. They dropped it all and took care of the boy they raised into a man so our Nation could use him and spit him out. I don't mean to sound bitter (OK - too bitter) but this should not be happening any more. As Americans we owe them (M, BBG, and thousands of others) more than a bum rush out the door when they're no longer battle ready.

It is obvious that the Army screwed up but it is made worse by the fact that the Army continues to screw this young man. You see, he has appealed his 10% disability and the Army, in all its wisdom, now says that it has no record that he ever served in Iraq. If he never served in Iraq, they reason, he could never have been wounded and thus he does not deserve an appeal.

Even more amazing, M and his parents are thankful that he came home. They are thankful and proud to have served - proud to be Americans. Like so many others, he looks at what he has accomplished, not at what he has lost.


I will try to live up to that example this year.


There are thousands of M's out there and we need to fix it. If our military's senior leaders cannot correct this systemic failure in their own organizations, they have lost the right to lead. I am sure that many of you will be more than a little pissed at me for that comment but lets be honest here: We promote General Officers because they have the superior leadership skills and the technical skills to be war fighters and administrators. They are not living up to the standard and we need to promote men and women who have the skill set to do both. Those who cannot meet the demands of their roles need to go away.

I know the economy is about as bad as it gets but we owe these men and woman. Whether you agree with the politics that have brought us to this place and these wars, we elected the leadership that has sent young men and women in harms way.

We, you and me..

We own this and we owe these young men and women more than a handshake and a thank you. We owe them our dedication and service in their honor. We owe them a system that meets their needs when they are damaged answering the call.

I would challenge each of you to do something. Write letters to your representatives, share this story with your friends. Challenge your local media outlets to tell more of these soldiers' stories. Find a young wife or husband..

Yep - new Army is full of young husbands left behind too

Find them and do something extra. Don't ask, just stop by and mow the lawn, shovel a driveway, babysit and send them to the spa. Let them know that what they do will never be forgotten.

TIA

Earl

Reading and Writing

Its been a rough month (ok - a rough four years) so you'll have to excuse me if I throw a couple out there that have nothing to do with the familia or Iraq.

You start to get tired

You may have noticed by my goals section to the right that I am a writer. I also happen to be a voracious reader. I probably read five books a week in addition to writing about 5,000 words. For me, the great escape, is a quiet house in the wee hours and good music and great writing or reading. I read it all from history to Steven King to Nicholas Sparks and everything in between.

On that thought - I thought I'd share something with you.




TIA

Earl

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
(Dylan Thomas)

BBG is alive, the kids are safely tucked into their dreams, and we have hopefully buried the last comrade, friend, son, father, other mothers brother or other - someones other someone and I am tired. Do you suppose its over yet or will I wave at my children as they off to this war we fight - away from the cares of the rest of America?

I knew I should have stayed away from the meth

yeah right

TIA

Earl

Landshark

Brian Hart lost his son John to a roadside ambush near Kirkuk Iraq in 2003. John and his commander were killed when their unarmored humvee was struck by a roadside bomb. Brian Channeled this loss into proof that we can accomplish anything. The link below is his legacy to his son - The Landshark!

I am saddened by his loss and uplifted by his service to our soldiers. He and John's Uncle have prototyped an unguided ground vehicle (UGV) built for IED detection and destruction, sniper range and ID, as well as perimeter security. It costs less than a third of the large defense industry competitor.

Check it out





You sir are a credit to your son and to your nation.

Thanks

Earl

Homeward Bound

Once again, I probably don't need to post a damn thing - the title says it all.

Two weeks in Germany is enough. Its a beautiful country but more than anything it just reminds me how good it is to be home and how different and rich and abundant our lives are in the States. It doesn't help that I don't know the language nor do I have an ear for it. Spanish and French came so much more easily and my colleagues here speak English quite well.

aka - there is zero incentive to really learn.

Being the guy I am, I have tried to learn a couple of words each day. Today, I learned two: one at work (Wetter - weather) and the other (Bus - Bus) I leaarned this evening. I learned Bus as I was driving into Frankfurt in Bumper to bumper traffic next to the empty bus lane which had the word bus printed all over it. As I debated with my A driver whether or not I could get away with claiming car pool status with the local polizei if they pulled me over, he kindly pointed out that bus is bus and its painted in big yellow letters every fifty feet for ten miles down Franfurter Strasse.

Everyone's a comedian and we were late for dinner.

I remember coming home from a year in the jungle and how astonished I was when I arrived in a Northern Lake Effect Snow prone place after a trains, planes, buses ride straight from the Amazon river basin. No shanties or raw sewage in the towns, no smell, and no jungle; no beans and rice and constant runs. My first trip to the commissary almost overwhelmed me and the three frozen pizzas I ate when I got home two hours later did the trick instead. It was not a "thank god I'm home with my family" experience. It was an overwhelming, is this real experience that will stay with me forever.

This is different. I'm just glad to be going home to be with my wife and kids. I miss them.

I can't imagine what the plane plane ambulance hospital ambulance plane plane ambulance hospital car ride home from Iraq was like for BBG. I think maybe I'll ask one night when we're all tucked in, drugs are on board, and sleep is almost there. That's the best time for questions like that.

In my defense - she did it all on morphine so it must have been kind of fun or at least very hazy. .

In her defense - business class seats on a certain German Airline turn into beds, there is nintendo in the back of my seat, booze is free, and we get two very good meals turned out by Scarlett Jo look alikes.

Jello is absent.

TIA

Earl

Dreams

In America, we have the power to make our dreams come true.

I try to write about what we're going through with post Iraq 101. I skip a lot of things because they're private. Since I have thrown anonymity to the wind, I can't talk about some things so I'm going to try and keep this broad.

My wife and I served for a myriad of reasons: Patriotism, food, college money, a life surrounded by men and women of honor. All these things and more drive us and our friends to stand on a wall when others will not. In my case, it was just as much about achieving my dreams as anything else. You know - fast and low in the dark. My BBG did it for family and for her dreams - to be a PA and she was well on her to way to making it until all of this happened.

I am in Germany for work now, playing the loud American, and each day I realize how fortunate we are to grow up in North America. We have bigger homes, cheaper gas, and boundless opportunities. We can achieve whatever we dream - just ask Obama.

All, we have to do is put in the effort and we can become whatever we want. - an astronaut, a PA, even a pilot. To achieve these dreams we have to continue to live in a society of endless possibility - a place where we can achieve the impossible, a place where we can worship who and what we want, and a place where we have the freedom to go after it all. These men and women who stand for us (all of them) do just that. They give us the opportunity to go after it all and a safe place to do it from. I feel privileged to be a part of that special group.

The hardest thing about getting messed up in Iraq is that it kills your dreams. The endless possibilities are gone and now you are faced with a life of limitations. Families of the injured and wounded face difficult financial times, uncertain medical outcomes and a lifetime knowing that they cannot do what they had once intended to do. They have lost their dreams. My son's favorite saying has become, "what’s the point?" I wish I had the right answer but I don't. I'm a father and husband not the miracle worker. I tell him this: "Sometimes you have to change your dreams." I did and so is my wife but no matter what, somewhere in the back of your mind is what if? What if I hadn't gotten hurt? What if I could still do this or that? When a dream becomes so deeply ingrained in your soul (just what dreams do) it becomes very hard to give it up. And so your life become overwhelmingly filled with why's instead of what’s or hows.

I'm trying very hard to switch back to what’s and hows but I've got to be honest with you, some days its still filled with WHYs.

TIA

Earl

Secret Identity Blown

Now I know how Batman felt.

Well maybe not but I bet Scarlett Johannson would do the jello thing if I were Batman.


Sorry - shameless monthly Scarlett Jo and Jello plug.


When I started this blog I chose not to really advertise who I am. My wife and kids deserve to retain as much of their dignity as they can and I'm not whats important here. Whats important here is that folks get a look at life after Iraq in the eyes of a family who lives it.

Well, I blew it.

As a freelance writer, my essays have been in Newsweek, the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News, the Washington Post, The Operation Homecoming anthology by Random House and the NEA and a documentary film based on the anthology. Before today, I have never linked my outside writing with my blog.

BTW - none of that has helped me get any of my novels published.

All in good time though, right?

I write all of this for a couple of reasons: 1) Self Therapy - blogs and essays never say I hate you daddy, and 2) Eventually people will take notice - not of me and mine but of the tens of thousands of young, men, women and their families who have it even worse than us because of sandy vacations gone bad. America has relegated us to the sidelines behind Brittany Spear's panties, the price of gas, the housing crisis, and the odd basketball game. These are all less important than young men and women dying and being maimed in our names.

Yesterday, I had a guest commentary in the Denver Post and they (with my blessing) posted a link to this blog. I thought long and hard about doing that. I talked with my family and finally decided that sharing this is really important. Its not important because I'm a freelance writer in need of more newspapers or a publisher - which I am. Its important that we find a way to get America engaged in the process of taking care of its service members - which it is not.

I write this blog so someday maybe someone will read and think about what they can do for the 20 yo ex Army specialist in NC who is so plagued by post TBI migraines that he can't get out of bed let alone work to support his 19 yo wife and infant children. The Army didn't retire him due to a technicality so the local DAV is keeping them afloat, albeit on food stamps. I write this blog in the hopes that someone (or many someones) will see it and send a letter to their congressman or senator demanding more VA funding and better care for our returning heroes and I write it because I know there are a hell of a lot of others, like me, who feel terribly alone.

Here's the link to the Denver Post Essay.

http://www.denverpost.com/opinionheadlines/ci_9480859

TIA

Peter

I'm still an ass

Arrgggghhh!

Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks.

I'm finishing my lean six sigma black belt training and with work and trying to finish the breast cancer novel - I'm smoked!

Now you know why I live at http://www.goingwacko.blogspot.com/

My BBG has had a rough couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, a common side effect of TBIs is post TBI migraines and apparently about 30 to 40% of TBI recoveries involve a lifetime of these babies.

They are frequent
They are debilitating
and they leave you prone in a dark room for days praying for the end.

The good news is that Percocet, Valium, and some other hard to spell drugs provide minor relief. The better news is that lots of the aforementioned drugs provide moderate relief. I'll bet you can see where this is going. BBG has had a rough month with these babies and we are going through the approved list of drugs at the speed of light.

I've been pulling twelve hour days at the office and then 6 to 8 on school and novel at home which rapidly turned into a disaster area. Maybe not so much a disaster area but a minnie Mt St Helen's in my living room kind of mess and my vunderkind haven't done squat. I don't expect them to get on their hands and knees and scrub but at 11, 13, and 15, they ought to be able to throw a pizza box in the trash.

I'm a good father - I yelled at all of them

and mommy

Yeah ... I'm an ass.

The New G.I. Bill - Dead for Now

FROM CNN

" A measure that would give veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan full four-year scholarships, dubbed a new G.I. Bill, also passed by a vote of 266-166, short of the two-thirds needed to override the promised veto by President Bush.
The added benefits would cost $52 billion over 10 years and would be paid for by a 0.5 percent surtax on individuals making more than $500,000 a year and couples making more than $1 million. Calling the new tax a "patriot premium," Democrats argued that it was time for wealthy Americans to share in the sacrifice that troops are making in Iraq. "

Two quick points:

1) I believe in the idea that wealthy Americans need to share in the pain and sacrifices of our service members and their families. Score one for the Democrats. Actually, I think all of America needs to get engaged in the sacrifices of our military. That would do one of two things: a) force Americans to stand up against the war and bring us home, or b) stand up for the military and make sure our disabled veterans get proper care and treatment from the VA and the military, make sure that our active members are recognized for their service, and provide us the tools and material to execute this war - with a nation behind us. There is no force greater than the one with the full weight of the American people behind it.

2) I am dismayed that the President doesn't care enough about us (Veterans, Service Members and their families) to make sure that we can come home from the war and begin to build new lives with an education that will help us succeed. The excuse that it is too costly pales when you look at the weekly cost of these wars.

As a former Army Officer, I am a Republican. I naturally gravitate towards a Republican Party that has generally done a better job of supporting the military over the years than the Democrats have done.

As Republicans - we have found a new way to fail our vets this week.

F&^ck!

Vet Suicides

Sorry,

I've been away for the last couple of weeks but we had some serious family issues. I would explain it if I could but you would never believe me. I still don't believe it happened to us.

Think Alfa Dog

Then let it go and lets just say my chick made it home alive.

Now, lets get back to vet suicides.

It turns out that the head of the VAs Mental Health program, Dr. Ira Katz, very specifically chose to hide the real number of vet suicides that are occurring while vets are under the care of the VA. He misrepresented the data to a level that can almost be considered criminal. He is a man under great pressure from an administration that would like to hide what we are all going through and so he stuck his moral compass back in his ruck and marched on. I don't condone it but I understand it. Please check the link below and decide for yourself.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24302814/

Here is my two cents:

Because of my wife's post Iraq PTSD, our family has been receiving mental health care from the VA for over two years now. It is not always perfect, It doesn't always work, and sometimes I walk away wanting to smack somebody but they are always there.

My wife's VA health care workers are killing themselves to take care of us and to provide hope. I know it doesn't always seem like it by I will always be thankful to them. I'd thank them out loud here - they deserve it - but the butterfly theory always stops me from sharing names here. You know who you are and I appreciate you, my bbf (beautiful blond girl for you newbies) appreciates you too.

She would never admit it but she needs you.

BBF may not be healed but she's still here and given the statistics from the article linked above, I'll take it. The problem is not that there are so many vet suicides. A lot of us have served and many will carry these scars forever. We accept this as a part of service. The crime here, is that most of you don't know how badly we are suffering and the man most able to share that with you, hid it because his political masters don't want you to hear more bad news about the WOT. They want sunshine and roses.

This is war folks - no roses left.

Just thorns.

Here is the info you need to share and demand that your political representatives take care of.

Over one million Iraq vets
34% plus PTSD rates
Over 4045 Killed and over 65,000 wounded

Our VA is underfunded and does not have the resources to care for us. The providers there (not the bureaucrats) will go to any lengths to help us but there is only so much they can do with inadequate resources. We came home broken, messed, mentally torn up and it has changed our lives. Most of us have lost jobs, houses, money and lifestyles because we stand on a wall for everyone else. The Army cannot afford to take care of its own so it is passing the buck to the VA. I'm sure it is the same with the Corps as well.

Send Help - we need it.

Please God Make me a McCain-Rice Ticket

Twice in one day!

Don't tell my wife - she'd never believe I have the stamina. I'm back here for the second time today because I read the blog, linked below, on CNN.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/

Rumors are rampant among the conservative elite about McCain's running mate. Some have suggested Condaleezza Rice. They just found out how to guarantee my vote. Although some of my democratic friends out and about (LA, NY etc) are probably having nightmares right now, I think this would be a rockin ticket and I would stand on a corner waving a sign for them! Condi stood up to Rummy when no one else would, She's Bill Clinton smart (i.e. oodles of smart) and she knows the global landscape better than anyone else in the United States - aside from maybe the B man himself.

I know she said she's looking forward to going back to Stanford and she'll never see this but I'm going to ask anyway.

Please Madame Secretary! Please... seriously consider running as John McCain's VP. If you do, I will stand on a corneer and wave a sign for you.

Wow - that felt good

although not in a Scarlett J and Jello kind of way.

I had made a promise not to wade in to the politics of the upcoming election on here but, as you can see, I'm breaking it and I will probably continue to do so. As a vet and the husband of a 100%disabled Iraq vet I can no longer sit on the sidelines. Ladies and Gentlemen, whether you agree with it or not, we are at war. I actually like Hillary and I think Barack is one of the best speakers I have ever heard but the reality is, Hillary will say whatever she thinks I want to hear and Barack, despite the fact that he says everything beautifully, has no plan. We need a president who can plan and who is execution oriented (not Al Queda in Iraq execution - get crap done execution). As a nation at war, we need a president who has seen combat. Far too often over these last sixteen years, me and mine have been put in harms way by men who have never wondered if they would live to see the next sunrise.

We cannot accept that while we are at war.

Adding Condoleezza Rice's incredible intellect to John McCain's no nonsense, across the aisle, approach to government might just be what we need to get our foreign and domestic messes sorted out.

BTW - since I'm breaking all the rules tonight, here's a shout out to a great actress, producer, H-land type out in LA - A.L. and her significant other - H. Its been too long guys and I am uber Impressed that someone in your line of work is proud of being a Republican. That takes guts and personal courage! I hope you're having good luck with that special something you're trying to get.

P.S. Would have used your names but life is fragile and you know me - I'd hate to be the butterfly.