Its hard to believe its been 9 years since BBGs humvee, UH-6o ambulance hospital airplane hospital airplane hospital airplane ambulance ride home. I know of said it before but my kids have paid the biggest price. The mom used to have is not the one they ended up with through no fault of their own. I, on the other hand, signed the contract and said the vows.
I deserve the Ground Hog Days of life after Iraq.
Well, I don' think anyone deserves this but I committed to the girl and so get committed to this whether I like it or not. I have to tell you though - I'm tired. I used to think I was a good guy for sticking through it all. The yelling the shitty behaviors, the mean things said to friends, the focus on those friends and not us and the kids. I'm beginning to wonder though.
Am I a good guy or just a fool?
Sometimes I wonder...
Showing posts with label TBI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TBI. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Nothing to fear but fear itself
BBG is involved in an arts program to help with her PTSD, with some Artsy kind of folks and soldiers from Fort Carson. She is actually a good painter and already an artist in her own right for Quilting and Fiber Art. These are her friends and they help each other so she jumped right in when they said they were coming up to Denver from the Springs to hit some of the galleries.
This is our text stream from this morning. I am at work and trying not to get fired for always being on the phone.
BBG: They are coming to pick me up
Me: Good - have fun
BBG: yeah I'm excited
Me: Cool - Have fun
BBG: I want to go
Me: Thats nice. Have fun
BBG: I will because it will be fun
me: Good
BBG: They're on their way
ME: Great Hon
BBG: I'll be headed out soon
ME: Have fun - Ciao (read hint hint - GOOD BYE)
BBG: Well I'm going to get ready
ME: later (Thinking - You're not ready Already???!)
5 minute pause - sound of me actually doing work in the back ground
BBG: They just called and they are at the old house (We moved 19 months ago)
Me: Did you give them the new address?
BBG: I guess I forgot
ME: Do they have it now?
BBG: Umm - yeah
ME: OK
BBG: I was hoping they'd just skip me since they went to the wrong address
ME: Really?
BBG: I don't really want to go - I think
ME: Oh
BBG: Its in the city
ME: uhh yeah (Duhhh!!!)
BBG: I'm tired
ME: uhh huhhh
BBG: Lots of people and stuff
ME: uhh huhhh
mysterious five minute pause - getting ready maybe?
BBG: heading out now seeya (Happy as can be)
ME: ????
Some days are just freaking exhausting!!!
Earl
This is our text stream from this morning. I am at work and trying not to get fired for always being on the phone.
BBG: They are coming to pick me up
Me: Good - have fun
BBG: yeah I'm excited
Me: Cool - Have fun
BBG: I want to go
Me: Thats nice. Have fun
BBG: I will because it will be fun
me: Good
BBG: They're on their way
ME: Great Hon
BBG: I'll be headed out soon
ME: Have fun - Ciao (read hint hint - GOOD BYE)
BBG: Well I'm going to get ready
ME: later (Thinking - You're not ready Already???!)
5 minute pause - sound of me actually doing work in the back ground
BBG: They just called and they are at the old house (We moved 19 months ago)
Me: Did you give them the new address?
BBG: I guess I forgot
ME: Do they have it now?
BBG: Umm - yeah
ME: OK
BBG: I was hoping they'd just skip me since they went to the wrong address
ME: Really?
BBG: I don't really want to go - I think
ME: Oh
BBG: Its in the city
ME: uhh yeah (Duhhh!!!)
BBG: I'm tired
ME: uhh huhhh
BBG: Lots of people and stuff
ME: uhh huhhh
mysterious five minute pause - getting ready maybe?
BBG: heading out now seeya (Happy as can be)
ME: ????
Some days are just freaking exhausting!!!
Earl
Friday, June 6, 2008
Secret Identity Blown
Now I know how Batman felt.
Well maybe not but I bet Scarlett Johannson would do the jello thing if I were Batman.
Sorry - shameless monthly Scarlett Jo and Jello plug.
When I started this blog I chose not to really advertise who I am. My wife and kids deserve to retain as much of their dignity as they can and I'm not whats important here. Whats important here is that folks get a look at life after Iraq in the eyes of a family who lives it.
Well, I blew it.
As a freelance writer, my essays have been in Newsweek, the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News, the Washington Post, The Operation Homecoming anthology by Random House and the NEA and a documentary film based on the anthology. Before today, I have never linked my outside writing with my blog.
BTW - none of that has helped me get any of my novels published.
All in good time though, right?
I write all of this for a couple of reasons: 1) Self Therapy - blogs and essays never say I hate you daddy, and 2) Eventually people will take notice - not of me and mine but of the tens of thousands of young, men, women and their families who have it even worse than us because of sandy vacations gone bad. America has relegated us to the sidelines behind Brittany Spear's panties, the price of gas, the housing crisis, and the odd basketball game. These are all less important than young men and women dying and being maimed in our names.
Yesterday, I had a guest commentary in the Denver Post and they (with my blessing) posted a link to this blog. I thought long and hard about doing that. I talked with my family and finally decided that sharing this is really important. Its not important because I'm a freelance writer in need of more newspapers or a publisher - which I am. Its important that we find a way to get America engaged in the process of taking care of its service members - which it is not.
I write this blog so someday maybe someone will read and think about what they can do for the 20 yo ex Army specialist in NC who is so plagued by post TBI migraines that he can't get out of bed let alone work to support his 19 yo wife and infant children. The Army didn't retire him due to a technicality so the local DAV is keeping them afloat, albeit on food stamps. I write this blog in the hopes that someone (or many someones) will see it and send a letter to their congressman or senator demanding more VA funding and better care for our returning heroes and I write it because I know there are a hell of a lot of others, like me, who feel terribly alone.
Here's the link to the Denver Post Essay.
http://www.denverpost.com/opinionheadlines/ci_9480859
TIA
Peter
Well maybe not but I bet Scarlett Johannson would do the jello thing if I were Batman.
Sorry - shameless monthly Scarlett Jo and Jello plug.
When I started this blog I chose not to really advertise who I am. My wife and kids deserve to retain as much of their dignity as they can and I'm not whats important here. Whats important here is that folks get a look at life after Iraq in the eyes of a family who lives it.
Well, I blew it.
As a freelance writer, my essays have been in Newsweek, the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News, the Washington Post, The Operation Homecoming anthology by Random House and the NEA and a documentary film based on the anthology. Before today, I have never linked my outside writing with my blog.
BTW - none of that has helped me get any of my novels published.
All in good time though, right?
I write all of this for a couple of reasons: 1) Self Therapy - blogs and essays never say I hate you daddy, and 2) Eventually people will take notice - not of me and mine but of the tens of thousands of young, men, women and their families who have it even worse than us because of sandy vacations gone bad. America has relegated us to the sidelines behind Brittany Spear's panties, the price of gas, the housing crisis, and the odd basketball game. These are all less important than young men and women dying and being maimed in our names.
Yesterday, I had a guest commentary in the Denver Post and they (with my blessing) posted a link to this blog. I thought long and hard about doing that. I talked with my family and finally decided that sharing this is really important. Its not important because I'm a freelance writer in need of more newspapers or a publisher - which I am. Its important that we find a way to get America engaged in the process of taking care of its service members - which it is not.
I write this blog so someday maybe someone will read and think about what they can do for the 20 yo ex Army specialist in NC who is so plagued by post TBI migraines that he can't get out of bed let alone work to support his 19 yo wife and infant children. The Army didn't retire him due to a technicality so the local DAV is keeping them afloat, albeit on food stamps. I write this blog in the hopes that someone (or many someones) will see it and send a letter to their congressman or senator demanding more VA funding and better care for our returning heroes and I write it because I know there are a hell of a lot of others, like me, who feel terribly alone.
Here's the link to the Denver Post Essay.
http://www.denverpost.com/opinionheadlines/ci_9480859
TIA
Peter
Saturday, May 31, 2008
I'm still an ass
Arrgggghhh!
Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks.
I'm finishing my lean six sigma black belt training and with work and trying to finish the breast cancer novel - I'm smoked!
Now you know why I live at http://www.goingwacko.blogspot.com/
My BBG has had a rough couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, a common side effect of TBIs is post TBI migraines and apparently about 30 to 40% of TBI recoveries involve a lifetime of these babies.
They are frequent
They are debilitating
and they leave you prone in a dark room for days praying for the end.
The good news is that Percocet, Valium, and some other hard to spell drugs provide minor relief. The better news is that lots of the aforementioned drugs provide moderate relief. I'll bet you can see where this is going. BBG has had a rough month with these babies and we are going through the approved list of drugs at the speed of light.
I've been pulling twelve hour days at the office and then 6 to 8 on school and novel at home which rapidly turned into a disaster area. Maybe not so much a disaster area but a minnie Mt St Helen's in my living room kind of mess and my vunderkind haven't done squat. I don't expect them to get on their hands and knees and scrub but at 11, 13, and 15, they ought to be able to throw a pizza box in the trash.
I'm a good father - I yelled at all of them
and mommy
Yeah ... I'm an ass.
Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks.
I'm finishing my lean six sigma black belt training and with work and trying to finish the breast cancer novel - I'm smoked!
Now you know why I live at http://www.goingwacko.blogspot.com/
My BBG has had a rough couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, a common side effect of TBIs is post TBI migraines and apparently about 30 to 40% of TBI recoveries involve a lifetime of these babies.
They are frequent
They are debilitating
and they leave you prone in a dark room for days praying for the end.
The good news is that Percocet, Valium, and some other hard to spell drugs provide minor relief. The better news is that lots of the aforementioned drugs provide moderate relief. I'll bet you can see where this is going. BBG has had a rough month with these babies and we are going through the approved list of drugs at the speed of light.
I've been pulling twelve hour days at the office and then 6 to 8 on school and novel at home which rapidly turned into a disaster area. Maybe not so much a disaster area but a minnie Mt St Helen's in my living room kind of mess and my vunderkind haven't done squat. I don't expect them to get on their hands and knees and scrub but at 11, 13, and 15, they ought to be able to throw a pizza box in the trash.
I'm a good father - I yelled at all of them
and mommy
Yeah ... I'm an ass.
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