Things that go boom in the night

It's an all nighter tonight.

I'm a business process engineer by civilian trade: O if only I could sell a couple of novels ;-) I enable people to do things in leaner and more efficient ways that enable businesses to turn strategies into tactics. Sounds cool if you like numbers. Otherwise - just another engineer.

Tonight I will stay up all night rebuilding a stochastic model of my division's financial performance for the next ten years, based upon efficiency gains that I have designed, so the senior leadership team can do it's long range business planning. The problem is that they are on another continent doing the planning while I am here answering their changing assumptions via e-mail.

Its my own damn fault - I took the day off today.

I took the day off so that I could do my process improvement and development work as a favor for a friend. Can't name him here - you know the drill.

One ripple in the wind..

and I hate to be the butterfly. You'll all hear about him one day soon. My friend is the closest thing to a mad scientist that you could ever meet. he is well educated, genius smart and the ideas flow from his mind like water from a hose - fire hose. He has also invented a new kind of body armor that is flexible, moldable, provides more coverage and weighs way less than the SAPI plates we've all had to put up with. It could even be used to up-armor a humvee at way less weight than is currently done (no more top heavy roll-overs) In a word - he's figured it out and I am privileged to help design the production processes that will get this to market one day.

It will probably take us awhile to do. There are government regulations, relationships to build, money to raise (lots of it) and a world of obstacles to overcome before something like this can come to market or ride a soldier's body through Baghdad or Kabul or line the body of a Border Patrol truck.

Its coming though. He does this full time. I work days off, late nights and weekends and never once has my family complained. they know I love it almost as much as flying or writing and eventually someone will come home and hug their kids or their parents and families because his invention brought them home and my processes made it manufacturable. They know there's a purpose behind this one.

Four young Americans died in two seperate IED attacks in Afghanistan today.

Tonight I'm pulling an all nighter because I took today off to work on armor.

Its worth it but I wish we could go faster.

TIA

Earl

Fiddler's Green

The beautiful thing about the military is that you lose track of old friends, switch duty stations, walk into the briefing room and lo and behold - there they are. The years melt away and you fill the gap with stories of wives, children, and the myriad of other things that fill our lives.

I learned today that an old friend's son was killed in Afghanistan last July. I remember when he was fourteen and wanted nothing more than a day with his dad. He died, a cavalryman, saving his soldiers. This one goes out to his mother and father. Nothing we say can ever be enough.

Fiddler's Green (Cavalry)

Halfway down the trail to hell
In a shady meadow green,
Are the souls of all dead troopers camped
Near a good old-time canteen

And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddler's Green.

Marching past, straight through to hell,
The infantry are seen, '
Accompanied by the Engineers,
Artillery and Marine,


For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
Dismount at Flddlers' Green.

Though some go curving down the trail
To seek a warmer scene,
No trooper ever gets to Hell
Ere he's emptied his canteen,

And so rides back to drink agaln
With friends at Fiddlers' Green.

And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge or fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,

And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers' Green.


TIA

Earl

Dreams

In America, we have the power to make our dreams come true.

I try to write about what we're going through with post Iraq 101. I skip a lot of things because they're private. Since I have thrown anonymity to the wind, I can't talk about some things so I'm going to try and keep this broad.

My wife and I served for a myriad of reasons: Patriotism, food, college money, a life surrounded by men and women of honor. All these things and more drive us and our friends to stand on a wall when others will not. In my case, it was just as much about achieving my dreams as anything else. You know - fast and low in the dark. My BBG did it for family and for her dreams - to be a PA and she was well on her to way to making it until all of this happened.

I am in Germany for work now, playing the loud American, and each day I realize how fortunate we are to grow up in North America. We have bigger homes, cheaper gas, and boundless opportunities. We can achieve whatever we dream - just ask Obama.

All, we have to do is put in the effort and we can become whatever we want. - an astronaut, a PA, even a pilot. To achieve these dreams we have to continue to live in a society of endless possibility - a place where we can achieve the impossible, a place where we can worship who and what we want, and a place where we have the freedom to go after it all. These men and women who stand for us (all of them) do just that. They give us the opportunity to go after it all and a safe place to do it from. I feel privileged to be a part of that special group.

The hardest thing about getting messed up in Iraq is that it kills your dreams. The endless possibilities are gone and now you are faced with a life of limitations. Families of the injured and wounded face difficult financial times, uncertain medical outcomes and a lifetime knowing that they cannot do what they had once intended to do. They have lost their dreams. My son's favorite saying has become, "what’s the point?" I wish I had the right answer but I don't. I'm a father and husband not the miracle worker. I tell him this: "Sometimes you have to change your dreams." I did and so is my wife but no matter what, somewhere in the back of your mind is what if? What if I hadn't gotten hurt? What if I could still do this or that? When a dream becomes so deeply ingrained in your soul (just what dreams do) it becomes very hard to give it up. And so your life become overwhelmingly filled with why's instead of what’s or hows.

I'm trying very hard to switch back to what’s and hows but I've got to be honest with you, some days its still filled with WHYs.

TIA

Earl

Iraqi War Vets and Families

Although the gist of this blog has always been about vets and their families, I'll be the first to admit that I've strayed.

Sorry

In my defense, any of you living in "The Suck" understand that its nice to get away from it once in awhile... and the posts about Scarlett Johannson and Jello are a perfectly normal reaction to a stressful environment so I think you should forgive those too. Time to get back to the real reason I'm here and to give a couple of shout outs:

http://www.groups.msn.com/IraqWarVeterans

Any vet, family member of a vet, friend of a vet and all of the above should check out this link. Its a great group on MSN Groups for, by and about vets. Trust me, the one thing we all need to deal with all of this is someone or many someones who are going through exactly the same thing. Its a great site. Sometimes a little annoying - you can only take so much pain in a day.In the end though, who am I to tell someone whose been over there or married to someone who is back here but mentally still over there to give it a rest. I do after all, write about it every day.

http://www.museoffire.net/Welcome.html

Lawrence Bridges' Muse of Fire is an exploration of the human, historical, and literary value of “Operation Homecoming:” a project created by the NEA to help troops and their families write about their wartime experiences. Featuring interviews and readings by US troops, their families, and distinguished contemporary American writers.

This is a great link to the Film Muse of Fire by larry Bridges. Take a minute and hit Youtube and search Muse of Fire to see some shorts from the film. I can't watch it all the way through without crying and my wife can't watch it all. Of course, I'm in it.


TIA

This is Arabia

The Army wants the money

Its 0300 and as per normal, I'm up again

writing.

I just saw the CNN story about a wounded warrior who received a letter from the Army demanding repayment of his bonus because he had the wherewith all to go and get himself wounded in Iraq before his enlistment was up.

Cheeky bastard eh?

Sadly, he isn't alone.

I know this because my wife is one of those that the Army has gone after for cash. They didn't turn off her combat pay when she was medevac'd out of Iraq. I went to the SRC and was told it was fixed. I guess I should have gone on line and checked her LES's but I was pretty damn busy keeping track of seventeen different meds, a buttload of appointments, the Med Board process, three kids and a job I ended up having to give up because I couldn't keep up with the load and take care of her.

FUCK!!!

Sorry, it slips out sometimes.

When she was medically retired, I moved out to a job in Denver before her and the kids. A week before the move and the Army said we had too much stuff and would have to pay more cash to get us moved. Apparently we were over weight when we came in but they chose to overlook that.

They need bodies for Iraq.

The sad part is that when I called the Army, they told me to get a U-Haul and move them myself. I guess they don't really understand how broke you get when all of this happens. I guess they misunderstood when I said I was at a new job in Colorado, three thousand miles away from Fort Bragg.

Now they send letters monthly and call just as much and I've got to be honest. The bill is over fourteen grand given interest and fines. How the hell am I going to pay that? They damn near killed her. Her life and the lives of our children are negatively altered forever and now they want cash? I know the budget is tight but this is the wrong way to fill the gaps folks.

Thank you for your service. Gosh we're awfully sorry you got so fucked up. Will that be cash or check?

Food for thought folks. PLEASE DON"T LET THIS STORY DIE - there are thousands more out there going through the same thing.

PTSD - Real!

This is it.

I've finally decided to join a bazillion other sad mother fuckers and spew my crap on-line. If you're reading this, I should be thankful or surprised. Frankly, I'm stunned.

I wouldn't read it.

I'm here for the nuts. Actually, I'm here to talk about the nuts - me, you, my crazy neurotic little German Short Hair dog and the wierd girl at work who insists on sharing her tongue ring with me every time we walk by each other in the hall.

Hint: I'm more impressed by the Gene Simmons tongue than I am by the ring. Wow!

Seriously though, the real purpose is to reach someone - hopefully a million someones because all those crazy dudes on the side of the road (you know: the Viet Nam guys who scare the shit out of us) are being replaced. They're being replaced with our friends from high school, the kid who mowed my lawn last summer and, oh yeah here's the biggie, our Sisters, Mothers and Wives. The VA is underfunded, care is almost impossible to get, nobody really cares and every day thousands more are coming home. How many have killed themselves, killed someone else, died inside? I don't know but I'm going to do my best to find out.

When I do, I'll share it with you.

I figured I'd do my part by blogging. I'm gonna share everything I can find about our soldiers who are returning from Iraq with PTSD. Maybe one of you will share this with one other person and so on. Maybe Mitt or Rudy or even Hillary will step off the soap box for just an afternoon and live in their shoes, cry with their families, listen to their lives, change something.

BTW: Gene Simmons girl - no ass at all.

and

I'm married to one of those severely disabled soldiers with PTSD. My kids and I live with my wife's pain every day. - the anger, the nightmares, the late nights, the drugs and the loss of self in a selfish world. As our world falls apart, I'm inviting you to come along for the ride. I'll spill the beans as much as I can without letting you know who she is. The last shred of dignity she has left is her privacy and I'm not gonna take that one away because

I love her.