The Army wants the money

Its 0300 and as per normal, I'm up again

writing.

I just saw the CNN story about a wounded warrior who received a letter from the Army demanding repayment of his bonus because he had the wherewith all to go and get himself wounded in Iraq before his enlistment was up.

Cheeky bastard eh?

Sadly, he isn't alone.

I know this because my wife is one of those that the Army has gone after for cash. They didn't turn off her combat pay when she was medevac'd out of Iraq. I went to the SRC and was told it was fixed. I guess I should have gone on line and checked her LES's but I was pretty damn busy keeping track of seventeen different meds, a buttload of appointments, the Med Board process, three kids and a job I ended up having to give up because I couldn't keep up with the load and take care of her.

FUCK!!!

Sorry, it slips out sometimes.

When she was medically retired, I moved out to a job in Denver before her and the kids. A week before the move and the Army said we had too much stuff and would have to pay more cash to get us moved. Apparently we were over weight when we came in but they chose to overlook that.

They need bodies for Iraq.

The sad part is that when I called the Army, they told me to get a U-Haul and move them myself. I guess they don't really understand how broke you get when all of this happens. I guess they misunderstood when I said I was at a new job in Colorado, three thousand miles away from Fort Bragg.

Now they send letters monthly and call just as much and I've got to be honest. The bill is over fourteen grand given interest and fines. How the hell am I going to pay that? They damn near killed her. Her life and the lives of our children are negatively altered forever and now they want cash? I know the budget is tight but this is the wrong way to fill the gaps folks.

Thank you for your service. Gosh we're awfully sorry you got so fucked up. Will that be cash or check?

Food for thought folks. PLEASE DON"T LET THIS STORY DIE - there are thousands more out there going through the same thing.

There and back again:

Its funny, I've tried to get into this blog twice and failed both times. Horrible stuff comes out and I post it and read it every few days and wrap myself in my anger and ignore it. I swear I'll never post again.

Great combo eh? A liar and a writer!

I think I've finally come to terms with all of this. There is nothing I can do. My beautiful bride is no better, my three children are worse, and my writing has come to a standstill. I haven't done anything in a couple of weeks. I have another novel completed and I'm almost done with another screenplay but I can't bring myself to look at them let alone edit them. It would kill me if I had the time to die.

My girl is alive but that's about it. Her bouts with PTSD are at a new level of extreme, my oldest - a beautiful blond teenage girl with a zest for life, just came out of rehab and has physical and emotional scars that won't heal. As she told her mother today - I hate you for going to Iraq. Why did you do that to us?

So much for zest.

Right now, I'm just praying for life.

My son is much better. He only goes to the Principal's office daily for being an angry smart-ass with his teachers. When I try to explain to the principal what we're going through, he smiles and nods and tells me how his dad served in the Navy for years, thanks me for our service and then tells me that he wants to suspend my little boy who still says "sir" and "ma'am" and wishes he could have a sleep-over just once.

He can't!

Mom can no longer control her body temperature so she's sleeping in the family room with the A/C on - while the snow flies outside the window. If I come home late from work, my littlest is snuggled on the couch, asleep next to her mommy - ski hat on her head.

My wife's therapist from the VA is a wonderful person. She called me last week just to see how I was doing. How do you tell her that you're ready to come unglued when you're holding the last tenuous string that's keeping a family from imploding. Besides, its not like they can do anything. She can't see my kids and me too. She's buried alive in patients and that's not part of the deal.

After they've screwed them for a couple of years, the military and the VA eventually take care of the soldiers. As a nation we are forcing them to do that. As for the families - wave your flag and shut up.

The VA is desperately underfunded. No that's not true. They've spent a million bucks to see if they can follow PTSD patients via phone. What they have not done is hired more mental health professionals and If you haven't figured it out from the rest of my post ...

WE NEED THEM!!!!

I'd just like to thank the Democrats and Republicans for playing politics with the Veterans Bill. We don't need the money. Honest, we'll make do. At least that's what I say when I'm lying to my children.

Late Nights

Another late night....

We found out today that my blushing bride (I'll simply refer to her as JTE from now on) is off to the VA's only inpatient program for women vets with PTSD. Its a sixty to ninety day deep dive and I hope it will be good for her. Actually, we found out last week that she had been accepted but it took her several days and a half dozen pro con lists before she finally decided to give it a go. This group will all be combat vets from Iraq so I think that will be good for her. The final deciding factor - only forty beds a year for this and she may not get another chance for a long time.

She doesn't have a long time.

Actually, I don't think any of us do. The kids are totally fried and so am I and I know she's living on the edge. I don't think she or I have had a full night sleep in the two years since she got medevac'd out of Iraq. She's having really bad nightmares again and I half expect to find her standing to on the perimeter when I hear her screaming.

I guess that'll keep the neighbors on their toes.

I'm sure I'm not helping her at all. I quit my job last spring because I couldn't keep up the seventy hour a week schedule and help her at home - which was falling apart. Now, were flat broke and I've had to go back to work. The new job is awesome (my first time back in Aviation since I got hurt and the Army grounded me) and the hours are much better. I get to talk aviation all day and several of the other guys are also Black Hawk Pilots but I think she is afraid that I'll get hooked on the flying again and sign up with the Guard.

Don't get me wrong, the thought has crossed my mind but I won't do it. I can't imagine that me heading over for a sandy vacation would help her PTSD at all. Straight up - I think it would kill her. Then of course there are the kids. None of them are doing well with this at all. I wish I could make it better for them but there's nothing to say. Mommy's broken and I don't know when it will get any better or if it will get any better - hang in there?

Now, I have to figure out how to balance the new job and three kids while she goes off to get help. I'm not much help these days. I sucked at it when she went to Iraq in the first place - I can't imagine I'll be any better this time..

PTSD - Real!

This is it.

I've finally decided to join a bazillion other sad mother fuckers and spew my crap on-line. If you're reading this, I should be thankful or surprised. Frankly, I'm stunned.

I wouldn't read it.

I'm here for the nuts. Actually, I'm here to talk about the nuts - me, you, my crazy neurotic little German Short Hair dog and the wierd girl at work who insists on sharing her tongue ring with me every time we walk by each other in the hall.

Hint: I'm more impressed by the Gene Simmons tongue than I am by the ring. Wow!

Seriously though, the real purpose is to reach someone - hopefully a million someones because all those crazy dudes on the side of the road (you know: the Viet Nam guys who scare the shit out of us) are being replaced. They're being replaced with our friends from high school, the kid who mowed my lawn last summer and, oh yeah here's the biggie, our Sisters, Mothers and Wives. The VA is underfunded, care is almost impossible to get, nobody really cares and every day thousands more are coming home. How many have killed themselves, killed someone else, died inside? I don't know but I'm going to do my best to find out.

When I do, I'll share it with you.

I figured I'd do my part by blogging. I'm gonna share everything I can find about our soldiers who are returning from Iraq with PTSD. Maybe one of you will share this with one other person and so on. Maybe Mitt or Rudy or even Hillary will step off the soap box for just an afternoon and live in their shoes, cry with their families, listen to their lives, change something.

BTW: Gene Simmons girl - no ass at all.

and

I'm married to one of those severely disabled soldiers with PTSD. My kids and I live with my wife's pain every day. - the anger, the nightmares, the late nights, the drugs and the loss of self in a selfish world. As our world falls apart, I'm inviting you to come along for the ride. I'll spill the beans as much as I can without letting you know who she is. The last shred of dignity she has left is her privacy and I'm not gonna take that one away because

I love her.