A friend once told me that what makes the New Year so great is that its new. In the span of a night, and a lot of bad booze, you can become a new you. It doesn't matter what you said or did the day, hell the year, before. That was then and this is now. You are new and so is the world. I used to believe it.
Sorry Virginia - there isn't a Santa Claus. There are no do overs and the big blue marble still spins at twenty six thousand miles an hour. We cannot stop and we cannot get off. Now, before you roll your eyes and dread the coming storm - its not coming!
We have had a hard few years since my BBG got medevac'd out of Iraq - I've told you all about it but what the hell, the juice has been worth the squeeze.
My wife and I have had adventures that most can never imagine (between you and I, you don't really want to). My daughters know that a woman can do anything - including combat. They know to never surrender, to never give up and that sometimes life hits you with an IED, RPG, or other unpleasant projectile. They know to stand up and be counted. My son knows the Marine Corps Hymn by heart and knows that honor is more than a word.
My children will grow up as Americans. They will know and honor the sacrifices made by those who came before and by those who will surely follow. I pray that don't choose that road but I know the way this works. Soldiers breed soldiers. It is a life of friendship and hardship and it seeps into your bones. It is a part of you.
besides
My oldest daughter wants to fly Hawks like her old man and my son wants to go West Point. Thank god the youngest just wants to be a cheerleader, a vet, and a princess.
Back to my point:
Its been a rough year - OK, four rough years. We are however alive and a little better than we were last year and there are many other young men and women and their families w ho need your help much more than we. This year, I am going to try and tell more of their stories and less of mine.
I hope you'll come back to read them. These young men and women have given so much and despite the thank you's that they hear in airports or the random books and letters that show up on their racks in Iraq and Afghanistan- many of them (many of their families) feel very alone. America's eyes and ears are on a failing economy. They are not on section sixty-one in Arlington. They are not on a friend of mine who can't seem to get his VA claim completed. They are not on the son of a friend who was rushed through the Army Physical Disability Evaluation System (PDES) and discharged with a check for four grand and no benefits.
The New Year is upon us and we're still spinning at twenty-four thousand miles an hour. The market's a mess, jobs are disappearing every day but none of that matters. Young men and women are standing in harms way. They are being blown up by IEDs, RPGs and other shitty things. They are dying.
That matters and this year is for them.
TIA
Earl
Click Play... to Listen to What I write to
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Reading and Writing
Its been a rough month (ok - a rough four years) so you'll have to excuse me if I throw a couple out there that have nothing to do with the familia or Iraq.
You start to get tired
You may have noticed by my goals section to the right that I am a writer. I also happen to be a voracious reader. I probably read five books a week in addition to writing about 5,000 words. For me, the great escape, is a quiet house in the wee hours and good music and great writing or reading. I read it all from history to Steven King to Nicholas Sparks and everything in between.
On that thought - I thought I'd share something with you.
TIA
Earl
You start to get tired
You may have noticed by my goals section to the right that I am a writer. I also happen to be a voracious reader. I probably read five books a week in addition to writing about 5,000 words. For me, the great escape, is a quiet house in the wee hours and good music and great writing or reading. I read it all from history to Steven King to Nicholas Sparks and everything in between.
On that thought - I thought I'd share something with you.
TIA
Earl
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Pink Better than Scarlet Jo and Jello
Sorry SJ - you're still in the top two but sex appeal, a smokin voice and the video did you in. The video says it all
TIA
Earl
TIA
Earl
Do not go gentle into that good night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
(Dylan Thomas)
BBG is alive, the kids are safely tucked into their dreams, and we have hopefully buried the last comrade, friend, son, father, other mothers brother or other - someones other someone and I am tired. Do you suppose its over yet or will I wave at my children as they off to this war we fight - away from the cares of the rest of America?
I knew I should have stayed away from the meth
yeah right
TIA
Earl
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
(Dylan Thomas)
BBG is alive, the kids are safely tucked into their dreams, and we have hopefully buried the last comrade, friend, son, father, other mothers brother or other - someones other someone and I am tired. Do you suppose its over yet or will I wave at my children as they off to this war we fight - away from the cares of the rest of America?
I knew I should have stayed away from the meth
yeah right
TIA
Earl
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Landshark
Brian Hart lost his son John to a roadside ambush near Kirkuk Iraq in 2003. John and his commander were killed when their unarmored humvee was struck by a roadside bomb. Brian Channeled this loss into proof that we can accomplish anything. The link below is his legacy to his son - The Landshark!
I am saddened by his loss and uplifted by his service to our soldiers. He and John's Uncle have prototyped an unguided ground vehicle (UGV) built for IED detection and destruction, sniper range and ID, as well as perimeter security. It costs less than a third of the large defense industry competitor.
Check it out
You sir are a credit to your son and to your nation.
Thanks
Earl
I am saddened by his loss and uplifted by his service to our soldiers. He and John's Uncle have prototyped an unguided ground vehicle (UGV) built for IED detection and destruction, sniper range and ID, as well as perimeter security. It costs less than a third of the large defense industry competitor.
Check it out
You sir are a credit to your son and to your nation.
Thanks
Earl
Saturday, December 13, 2008
A Light in the Darkness
I think the only thing harder being a soldier is being a husband
or a father.
Either way, you invest in the lives of those you love. It doesn't matter if its a friend in a hole in a hole in the wall on a mountain top in a valley twelve thousand miles away or the boy with your name. They are a part of you forever and regardless ,you are better for them. Their triumph and sorrow are shared.
The boy with my name has had a very rough year. He has suffered through things that I cannot imagine and certainly he has been exposed to the things I only began to know and understand when I was much older. A lot has happened this year and in these years since my wife came home and as we make our way through this dark night I have begun to see the light.
My little boy you see
made a friend.
Day after day, he came from his new school, did his homework, went to hockey practice and quietly said; "I have no friends". A whisper at the end of a long day.
As a father, none of this has had as profound an effect on me as the pain of my children. My wife and I are adults and soldiers and these things we have been through are to be expected. It is different for the kids. They never signed the contract, fate just sent them our way.
Just a few weeks ago, I picked up my son from school. I asked the usual questions: How was school? Do you have homework? How was your day? His face lit up and he smiled at me - all teeth and shine. "I met this kid - Logan. We ate lunch together. He'd like to hang out sometime. He plays football on Scottie's team and gets box seats to the Rockies Games!" Months of heartache and four years of sorrow washed away by an eighth grade boy who had the grace to say hello to my heartsick son. My son's grades shot up, the principle e-mailed about how well he was doing and from somewhere came the light that has been gone for so long.
My son wanted to hang out with Logan last weekend but he was still on restriction and had an early hockey game. He knew not to ask. Next weekend I promised and despite the bad news he smiled at me. "Cool - thanks dad!" We had a good weekend and a winning game. Monday morning, he texted me at work:
Logan's dead
Logan Bauman was hit by a car, while crossing the road by his home, Saturday evening December 6, 2008 in Parker Colorado. He was transported to Parker Adventist Hospital and airlifted to Denver Children's Hospital. He died that night surrounded by those who loved him.
We, along with what must have been a thousand others, went to the funeral Thursday. I watched as my son wandered among the crowd, an outlier among the masses - lost and small. His friend gone.
That night I cried silently as my son fall asleep in my arms. One lost boy saved by a new friend I will never have the pleasure of knowing.
I will never meet Logan's parents and I'm sorry for that. They must be wonderful people to have raised this extraordinary young man who recognized that my son needed a friend. For the time Logan gave to me, for the light he turned back on in my son, I am eternally grateful. I can never thank him or his family for giving me back, in a few short weeks, what I could not seem to get on my own.
My son
TIA
Earl
or a father.
Either way, you invest in the lives of those you love. It doesn't matter if its a friend in a hole in a hole in the wall on a mountain top in a valley twelve thousand miles away or the boy with your name. They are a part of you forever and regardless ,you are better for them. Their triumph and sorrow are shared.
The boy with my name has had a very rough year. He has suffered through things that I cannot imagine and certainly he has been exposed to the things I only began to know and understand when I was much older. A lot has happened this year and in these years since my wife came home and as we make our way through this dark night I have begun to see the light.
My little boy you see
made a friend.
Day after day, he came from his new school, did his homework, went to hockey practice and quietly said; "I have no friends". A whisper at the end of a long day.
As a father, none of this has had as profound an effect on me as the pain of my children. My wife and I are adults and soldiers and these things we have been through are to be expected. It is different for the kids. They never signed the contract, fate just sent them our way.
Just a few weeks ago, I picked up my son from school. I asked the usual questions: How was school? Do you have homework? How was your day? His face lit up and he smiled at me - all teeth and shine. "I met this kid - Logan. We ate lunch together. He'd like to hang out sometime. He plays football on Scottie's team and gets box seats to the Rockies Games!" Months of heartache and four years of sorrow washed away by an eighth grade boy who had the grace to say hello to my heartsick son. My son's grades shot up, the principle e-mailed about how well he was doing and from somewhere came the light that has been gone for so long.
My son wanted to hang out with Logan last weekend but he was still on restriction and had an early hockey game. He knew not to ask. Next weekend I promised and despite the bad news he smiled at me. "Cool - thanks dad!" We had a good weekend and a winning game. Monday morning, he texted me at work:
Logan's dead
Logan Bauman was hit by a car, while crossing the road by his home, Saturday evening December 6, 2008 in Parker Colorado. He was transported to Parker Adventist Hospital and airlifted to Denver Children's Hospital. He died that night surrounded by those who loved him.
We, along with what must have been a thousand others, went to the funeral Thursday. I watched as my son wandered among the crowd, an outlier among the masses - lost and small. His friend gone.
That night I cried silently as my son fall asleep in my arms. One lost boy saved by a new friend I will never have the pleasure of knowing.
I will never meet Logan's parents and I'm sorry for that. They must be wonderful people to have raised this extraordinary young man who recognized that my son needed a friend. For the time Logan gave to me, for the light he turned back on in my son, I am eternally grateful. I can never thank him or his family for giving me back, in a few short weeks, what I could not seem to get on my own.
My son
TIA
Earl
Saturday, November 29, 2008
CNN Heroes
The CNN Heroes special and the Lou Dobbs Heroes special were supposed to be on TV Thanksgiving Day. Instead, we got to watch non-stop coverage of the terrorist attack . I was kind of dissapointed because BBG has started a charity to raise money for the Veterans Wheelchair Games and Quilts of Valor and they were going to do a blurb about it.
Tonight the Lou Dobbs special is almost over and we haven't seen the blurb about her charity but the special has been very good. I would encourage anyone and everyone to watch it Sunday November 30, 2008 at 7:00pm EST.
The one thing I keep returning to in this blog is that we all need to reach out and recognize these veterans every day. Regardless of the economy, the election, your political beliefs about the war, these young men and women have sacrificed their lives for us. They deserve to come home to a fully funded VA and to a country ready and willing to provide every resource they need.
BTW - her twelve seconds of quilting fame were on at the end of the show and it was pretty good. It wasn't as long as the interview and preparation I did with CNN but I am very grateful that they considered her story worthy of recognition.
Now, the grommets are being butt heads and we're in full post-TBI Migrane mode with shots and mid level drugs on board and it isn't doing a damn thing so I'm off to the medical lock box for the good stuff.
TIA
Earl
Tonight the Lou Dobbs special is almost over and we haven't seen the blurb about her charity but the special has been very good. I would encourage anyone and everyone to watch it Sunday November 30, 2008 at 7:00pm EST.
The one thing I keep returning to in this blog is that we all need to reach out and recognize these veterans every day. Regardless of the economy, the election, your political beliefs about the war, these young men and women have sacrificed their lives for us. They deserve to come home to a fully funded VA and to a country ready and willing to provide every resource they need.
BTW - her twelve seconds of quilting fame were on at the end of the show and it was pretty good. It wasn't as long as the interview and preparation I did with CNN but I am very grateful that they considered her story worthy of recognition.
Now, the grommets are being butt heads and we're in full post-TBI Migrane mode with shots and mid level drugs on board and it isn't doing a damn thing so I'm off to the medical lock box for the good stuff.
TIA
Earl
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Homeward Bound
Once again, I probably don't need to post a damn thing - the title says it all.
Two weeks in Germany is enough. Its a beautiful country but more than anything it just reminds me how good it is to be home and how different and rich and abundant our lives are in the States. It doesn't help that I don't know the language nor do I have an ear for it. Spanish and French came so much more easily and my colleagues here speak English quite well.
aka - there is zero incentive to really learn.
Being the guy I am, I have tried to learn a couple of words each day. Today, I learned two: one at work (Wetter - weather) and the other (Bus - Bus) I leaarned this evening. I learned Bus as I was driving into Frankfurt in Bumper to bumper traffic next to the empty bus lane which had the word bus printed all over it. As I debated with my A driver whether or not I could get away with claiming car pool status with the local polizei if they pulled me over, he kindly pointed out that bus is bus and its painted in big yellow letters every fifty feet for ten miles down Franfurter Strasse.
Everyone's a comedian and we were late for dinner.
I remember coming home from a year in the jungle and how astonished I was when I arrived in a Northern Lake Effect Snow prone place after a trains, planes, buses ride straight from the Amazon river basin. No shanties or raw sewage in the towns, no smell, and no jungle; no beans and rice and constant runs. My first trip to the commissary almost overwhelmed me and the three frozen pizzas I ate when I got home two hours later did the trick instead. It was not a "thank god I'm home with my family" experience. It was an overwhelming, is this real experience that will stay with me forever.
This is different. I'm just glad to be going home to be with my wife and kids. I miss them.
I can't imagine what the plane plane ambulance hospital ambulance plane plane ambulance hospital car ride home from Iraq was like for BBG. I think maybe I'll ask one night when we're all tucked in, drugs are on board, and sleep is almost there. That's the best time for questions like that.
In my defense - she did it all on morphine so it must have been kind of fun or at least very hazy. .
In her defense - business class seats on a certain German Airline turn into beds, there is nintendo in the back of my seat, booze is free, and we get two very good meals turned out by Scarlett Jo look alikes.
Jello is absent.
TIA
Earl
Two weeks in Germany is enough. Its a beautiful country but more than anything it just reminds me how good it is to be home and how different and rich and abundant our lives are in the States. It doesn't help that I don't know the language nor do I have an ear for it. Spanish and French came so much more easily and my colleagues here speak English quite well.
aka - there is zero incentive to really learn.
Being the guy I am, I have tried to learn a couple of words each day. Today, I learned two: one at work (Wetter - weather) and the other (Bus - Bus) I leaarned this evening. I learned Bus as I was driving into Frankfurt in Bumper to bumper traffic next to the empty bus lane which had the word bus printed all over it. As I debated with my A driver whether or not I could get away with claiming car pool status with the local polizei if they pulled me over, he kindly pointed out that bus is bus and its painted in big yellow letters every fifty feet for ten miles down Franfurter Strasse.
Everyone's a comedian and we were late for dinner.
I remember coming home from a year in the jungle and how astonished I was when I arrived in a Northern Lake Effect Snow prone place after a trains, planes, buses ride straight from the Amazon river basin. No shanties or raw sewage in the towns, no smell, and no jungle; no beans and rice and constant runs. My first trip to the commissary almost overwhelmed me and the three frozen pizzas I ate when I got home two hours later did the trick instead. It was not a "thank god I'm home with my family" experience. It was an overwhelming, is this real experience that will stay with me forever.
This is different. I'm just glad to be going home to be with my wife and kids. I miss them.
I can't imagine what the plane plane ambulance hospital ambulance plane plane ambulance hospital car ride home from Iraq was like for BBG. I think maybe I'll ask one night when we're all tucked in, drugs are on board, and sleep is almost there. That's the best time for questions like that.
In my defense - she did it all on morphine so it must have been kind of fun or at least very hazy. .
In her defense - business class seats on a certain German Airline turn into beds, there is nintendo in the back of my seat, booze is free, and we get two very good meals turned out by Scarlett Jo look alikes.
Jello is absent.
TIA
Earl
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Dreams
In America, we have the power to make our dreams come true.
I try to write about what we're going through with post Iraq 101. I skip a lot of things because they're private. Since I have thrown anonymity to the wind, I can't talk about some things so I'm going to try and keep this broad.
My wife and I served for a myriad of reasons: Patriotism, food, college money, a life surrounded by men and women of honor. All these things and more drive us and our friends to stand on a wall when others will not. In my case, it was just as much about achieving my dreams as anything else. You know - fast and low in the dark. My BBG did it for family and for her dreams - to be a PA and she was well on her to way to making it until all of this happened.
I am in Germany for work now, playing the loud American, and each day I realize how fortunate we are to grow up in North America. We have bigger homes, cheaper gas, and boundless opportunities. We can achieve whatever we dream - just ask Obama.
All, we have to do is put in the effort and we can become whatever we want. - an astronaut, a PA, even a pilot. To achieve these dreams we have to continue to live in a society of endless possibility - a place where we can achieve the impossible, a place where we can worship who and what we want, and a place where we have the freedom to go after it all. These men and women who stand for us (all of them) do just that. They give us the opportunity to go after it all and a safe place to do it from. I feel privileged to be a part of that special group.
The hardest thing about getting messed up in Iraq is that it kills your dreams. The endless possibilities are gone and now you are faced with a life of limitations. Families of the injured and wounded face difficult financial times, uncertain medical outcomes and a lifetime knowing that they cannot do what they had once intended to do. They have lost their dreams. My son's favorite saying has become, "what’s the point?" I wish I had the right answer but I don't. I'm a father and husband not the miracle worker. I tell him this: "Sometimes you have to change your dreams." I did and so is my wife but no matter what, somewhere in the back of your mind is what if? What if I hadn't gotten hurt? What if I could still do this or that? When a dream becomes so deeply ingrained in your soul (just what dreams do) it becomes very hard to give it up. And so your life become overwhelmingly filled with why's instead of what’s or hows.
I'm trying very hard to switch back to what’s and hows but I've got to be honest with you, some days its still filled with WHYs.
TIA
Earl
Saturday, November 8, 2008
travelin
Its funny - my team lost the election and I'm really not that bothered. regardless of who the next president is, they are in a for a long and very difficult road to the recovery of the economy and our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Bottom line - whoever won (Obama) got screwed!!!
... and I'm OK with that :-)
Duty calls and I'm off for Europe for a couple of weeks for work. I don't like leaving BBG and kidlets alone, especially when kidlets have caused so much heart ache (and money to solve said heart ache) recently but when I left the van and walked into the terminal today, I was totally at peace. She's fine.
Regardless of everything that has happened, here we are and she's fine. She may forget where she parked the mini van at Target tomorrow or forget to sign homework sheets and let the dogs out in the morning but in the grand scheme of things - every little thing gonna be all right. Its like letting them go off to college. They go and as hard as it is - you let them. They will sink or swim on their own.
This is important to me as I look at flying again. If every one doesn't eat, go to school, pay the bills (the right ones) and balance the check book - if those things don't happen, I'm kind of leaving them in the learch and I'm not that kind of guy.
BTW Iraq or Afghanistan are at least fifteen months out so we have plenty of time to plan all of this if we need to.
Swim baby
Swim!!!
I love you - Earl.
Bottom line - whoever won (Obama) got screwed!!!
... and I'm OK with that :-)
Duty calls and I'm off for Europe for a couple of weeks for work. I don't like leaving BBG and kidlets alone, especially when kidlets have caused so much heart ache (and money to solve said heart ache) recently but when I left the van and walked into the terminal today, I was totally at peace. She's fine.
Regardless of everything that has happened, here we are and she's fine. She may forget where she parked the mini van at Target tomorrow or forget to sign homework sheets and let the dogs out in the morning but in the grand scheme of things - every little thing gonna be all right. Its like letting them go off to college. They go and as hard as it is - you let them. They will sink or swim on their own.
This is important to me as I look at flying again. If every one doesn't eat, go to school, pay the bills (the right ones) and balance the check book - if those things don't happen, I'm kind of leaving them in the learch and I'm not that kind of guy.
BTW Iraq or Afghanistan are at least fifteen months out so we have plenty of time to plan all of this if we need to.
Swim baby
Swim!!!
I love you - Earl.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Argggghhhhhh
Its 30 minutes prior to election day and I am up - sleep is fleeting these days. I know it shouldn't be but I know I'll be here writing in another two hours and work is only six hours away. I don't know if that makes me manic, a moron, or a writer.
I think maybe manic and moron.
I'm in a why me mood today. Its not my BBG's fault and its not the kids fault. I think I own this one all by myself.
That just makes it worse - ownership!
Do you think "Dubya" is up at all hours owning what he's kicked into motion?
I've been offered a slot as an assault pilot for a guard unit. Here is where you roll your eyes and call me a moron. Go ahead - I keep saying it to myself but then the little red devil on right shoulder says; "Do it - you know you want to" and the little white angel on left shoulder says in an appropriately squeeky and less manly voice "If you do..." If you have ever been on your first airplane ride, you probably know the wonderment and freedom of soaring among the clouds.
"... put out my hand touched the face of god" (Gillespie Magee, 1941)
Now - imagine doing it at treetop level, flying a hundred plus miles an hour wearing night vision goggles with the tracers floating up in the distance. I would kill to do this again. I was born to do it. After a few years off of flying I still dream in NVG Green. I sat down with my books and in two hours I had memorized word for word every EP and limitation on the UH-60A/L and I can do blind start-ups like it was yesterday. My apologies to the wife and kidlets but nothing aside from finishing my novels has ever given me the raw emotion of a long night mission in a shitty place. Just writing about it causes the sights, the sounds, the feelings, to well up from inside of me - magnetic!
My BBG was very supportive when I broached the topic. We haven't talked in ten days.
I am a centurian trapped in the poets body, saddled with the guilt of a wife broken in my stead, and father of children who would certainly deserve to resent my flying off to inhospitable places in search of an unforgiving mistress.
I know what the answer should be but I agonize over it all the same. Am I less of a man because I stay behind and pick up the broken pieces for the next couple of decades or am I less of a man because I desperately want my chance to fly fast and low in the dark?
I should have gone to law school.
I think maybe manic and moron.
I'm in a why me mood today. Its not my BBG's fault and its not the kids fault. I think I own this one all by myself.
That just makes it worse - ownership!
Do you think "Dubya" is up at all hours owning what he's kicked into motion?
I've been offered a slot as an assault pilot for a guard unit. Here is where you roll your eyes and call me a moron. Go ahead - I keep saying it to myself but then the little red devil on right shoulder says; "Do it - you know you want to" and the little white angel on left shoulder says in an appropriately squeeky and less manly voice "If you do..." If you have ever been on your first airplane ride, you probably know the wonderment and freedom of soaring among the clouds.
"... put out my hand touched the face of god" (Gillespie Magee, 1941)
Now - imagine doing it at treetop level, flying a hundred plus miles an hour wearing night vision goggles with the tracers floating up in the distance. I would kill to do this again. I was born to do it. After a few years off of flying I still dream in NVG Green. I sat down with my books and in two hours I had memorized word for word every EP and limitation on the UH-60A/L and I can do blind start-ups like it was yesterday. My apologies to the wife and kidlets but nothing aside from finishing my novels has ever given me the raw emotion of a long night mission in a shitty place. Just writing about it causes the sights, the sounds, the feelings, to well up from inside of me - magnetic!
My BBG was very supportive when I broached the topic. We haven't talked in ten days.
I am a centurian trapped in the poets body, saddled with the guilt of a wife broken in my stead, and father of children who would certainly deserve to resent my flying off to inhospitable places in search of an unforgiving mistress.
I know what the answer should be but I agonize over it all the same. Am I less of a man because I stay behind and pick up the broken pieces for the next couple of decades or am I less of a man because I desperately want my chance to fly fast and low in the dark?
I should have gone to law school.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Rough Week
I think the title says it all. Some days, some weeks, hell - some years just suck more than others and this week takes the cake.
I wish I had the magic bullet for anyone else out there going through all this but I don't. Every time I start to think I'm getting the hang of this whole post Iraq bullshit - life takes me down a peg. The kids are in trouble, my BBG hates me and no matter what I do its wrong.
I can't even seem to write this week and I was jazzed about the Breast Cancer Screenplay (different from the novel). Every time I sit down to write it feels like my heads going to explode and crap flys from my finger tips. I know its a phaze but I've never had a bad writing phase so I'm a little bit morose about the whole thing.
On a bright note - I scored two goals at my hockey game tonight and one of our local Congressional candidates' (Mike Coffman) wife showed up at our house tonight doing the traditional door to door thing. First, I am totally impressed that someone is actually doing that - this was the first candidate (or supporter) who has shown up at my door since the madness began. Second - she made my wife feel good. I have been failing miserably at making anyone feel good so it was nice to come home post hockey high and actually find my wife in a good mood.
It didn't last but for a few minutes someone running for Congress made my disabled vet feel like she mattered. I know she's not Joe the Plumber and I know its the economy stupid but I would like to remind you that young men and women continue to die in our names. The media just doesn't share it because it makes for bad ratings.
Thank you Mrs. Mike Coffman
BTW - you may have noticed some changes to my music. Its easier than the monthly "whats on my Ipod" that every other blogger does.
I wish I had the magic bullet for anyone else out there going through all this but I don't. Every time I start to think I'm getting the hang of this whole post Iraq bullshit - life takes me down a peg. The kids are in trouble, my BBG hates me and no matter what I do its wrong.
I can't even seem to write this week and I was jazzed about the Breast Cancer Screenplay (different from the novel). Every time I sit down to write it feels like my heads going to explode and crap flys from my finger tips. I know its a phaze but I've never had a bad writing phase so I'm a little bit morose about the whole thing.
On a bright note - I scored two goals at my hockey game tonight and one of our local Congressional candidates' (Mike Coffman) wife showed up at our house tonight doing the traditional door to door thing. First, I am totally impressed that someone is actually doing that - this was the first candidate (or supporter) who has shown up at my door since the madness began. Second - she made my wife feel good. I have been failing miserably at making anyone feel good so it was nice to come home post hockey high and actually find my wife in a good mood.
It didn't last but for a few minutes someone running for Congress made my disabled vet feel like she mattered. I know she's not Joe the Plumber and I know its the economy stupid but I would like to remind you that young men and women continue to die in our names. The media just doesn't share it because it makes for bad ratings.
Thank you Mrs. Mike Coffman
BTW - you may have noticed some changes to my music. Its easier than the monthly "whats on my Ipod" that every other blogger does.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Deployed soldier threatened over landscaping
Thanks to CNN for picking up the following story. By now, you all know that one of my pet peeves is that most of America doesn't want to hear about Iraq or Afghanistan. Those topics, I have been told by media folks are bad for ratings. Gee I wonder how the families of those heroes resting in Section 60 would feel about that. I wonder how the familes of the wounded and injured would feel.
This soldier is deployed in Southwest Asia and his homeowener's association threatened legal action because he didn't finish landscaping his yard before he left. Honestly, it makes me want to fly to Washington State find the HOA pres and slap him silly.
The story also warms my heart: When it hit the local paper, dozens of people showed up to help his family. Hero's - each and every one of you. Thank you!
I know the economy is bad and everyone has three extra mortgages they can't afford but young men and women are dying and being mamed in your names. Stand up for them and remember them in your prayers every day.
This soldier is deployed in Southwest Asia and his homeowener's association threatened legal action because he didn't finish landscaping his yard before he left. Honestly, it makes me want to fly to Washington State find the HOA pres and slap him silly.
The story also warms my heart: When it hit the local paper, dozens of people showed up to help his family. Hero's - each and every one of you. Thank you!
I know the economy is bad and everyone has three extra mortgages they can't afford but young men and women are dying and being mamed in your names. Stand up for them and remember them in your prayers every day.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
There and back again
I am not a geek!!
I lie...
There's a little bit of geek in all of us - mine just pops out more often than yours. Hence the frequent and shameless Scarlett Jo and Jello plugs. I can't help it, I'm drawn to it (Both SJ and the Jello - preferably together).
Now, the reason for my geekdom spiel and today's title: Like Frodo, Bilbo and the rest of the Hobbits I feel like I've been there and back again - over and over. I blog, I vent, I write, I sputter out and die for awhile. Life after Iraq is a roller coaster. This blog ebbs and flows because there comes a time when I just want to stop and scream. I can't write another word. Two months later, all melancholy and whiny, I realize that I haven't written and I'm sucked back in.
and so here I am - again!
My BBG is doing OK. She's struggling to deal with all of the things she's lost and quilting to keep her mind off of it. She has started a charity Quilt Fiber Fundraisers to raise money for Veterans to attend the wheelchair games and to provide quilts for Quilts of Valor. She has gotten hundreds of quilters from around Colorado to get together at the Colorado History Museum to make quilt tops for Quilts of Valor and a ton of long arm quilters to volunteer their machines and time to actually quilt them. They've raised over 5k so far. In March, they will be auctioning the quilts off at an event in Denver. The finished Quilts will then be signed by the person who purchased it and sent to Quilts of valor. Quilts of Valor gives one to every wounded and injured service member who comes through LRMC in Germany. We have the one they gave to her on the wall of our living room. Like everything else post-Iraq, it stands for everything good and horrible about these wars.
I'm amazed at her tenacity. Despite the pain, the drugs and everything else we're going through she's decided that doing this will somehow make it all better. I love her for it but I wish she would just rest for a couple hundred hours. The kids are delinquent (not really), the house is a disaster (really), and I think the pile of laundry in my son's room made a move at me last night (If only I'd had nods I could have put it down). She's physically shot and emotionally a train wreck this month but she will drug up and work on this fundraiser until there's nothing left.
Then we spend ten days trying to put the pieces of her back together. So here I am, some fresh whine to go with the cheese - back to blogging.
Sometimes I wish it would all just go away.
Anyway, I promise to post more regularly until I'm burned out again then I'll crawl under my rock for awhile.
TIA
I lie...
There's a little bit of geek in all of us - mine just pops out more often than yours. Hence the frequent and shameless Scarlett Jo and Jello plugs. I can't help it, I'm drawn to it (Both SJ and the Jello - preferably together).
Now, the reason for my geekdom spiel and today's title: Like Frodo, Bilbo and the rest of the Hobbits I feel like I've been there and back again - over and over. I blog, I vent, I write, I sputter out and die for awhile. Life after Iraq is a roller coaster. This blog ebbs and flows because there comes a time when I just want to stop and scream. I can't write another word. Two months later, all melancholy and whiny, I realize that I haven't written and I'm sucked back in.
and so here I am - again!
My BBG is doing OK. She's struggling to deal with all of the things she's lost and quilting to keep her mind off of it. She has started a charity Quilt Fiber Fundraisers to raise money for Veterans to attend the wheelchair games and to provide quilts for Quilts of Valor. She has gotten hundreds of quilters from around Colorado to get together at the Colorado History Museum to make quilt tops for Quilts of Valor and a ton of long arm quilters to volunteer their machines and time to actually quilt them. They've raised over 5k so far. In March, they will be auctioning the quilts off at an event in Denver. The finished Quilts will then be signed by the person who purchased it and sent to Quilts of valor. Quilts of Valor gives one to every wounded and injured service member who comes through LRMC in Germany. We have the one they gave to her on the wall of our living room. Like everything else post-Iraq, it stands for everything good and horrible about these wars.
I'm amazed at her tenacity. Despite the pain, the drugs and everything else we're going through she's decided that doing this will somehow make it all better. I love her for it but I wish she would just rest for a couple hundred hours. The kids are delinquent (not really), the house is a disaster (really), and I think the pile of laundry in my son's room made a move at me last night (If only I'd had nods I could have put it down). She's physically shot and emotionally a train wreck this month but she will drug up and work on this fundraiser until there's nothing left.
Then we spend ten days trying to put the pieces of her back together. So here I am, some fresh whine to go with the cheese - back to blogging.
Sometimes I wish it would all just go away.
Anyway, I promise to post more regularly until I'm burned out again then I'll crawl under my rock for awhile.
TIA
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Dear Mr. Obama...
This post is self explanatory to the families of and to those who have served. Please turn off the music above and listen to what this young man has to say.
Nuff Said.
Nuff Said.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
SABRE SIX GOING DOWN
New Vet Suicide Hotline!!!!!!!!
Please take the time to watch the PSA in the post Below. The VA will be testing this in select markets over the next few weeks but I am told that the phone lines are working. Send the link to everyone you know.
Listen - It doesn't matter who you are, if you're back from over there trying to figure out how to live in the here and now you've thought about suicide. Its an upside down f'd up world and we're all wrung inside out but there is hope.
Some days you've just got to talk to someone and as screwed up as the VA is, there are a lot of people there who care that you stay alive and make it through this.
Families, friends, husbands, wives, sons and daughters its your number too. It sucks living through all of this but the option is a silver box and a flag and I for one choose to live through the hell.
Its living.
Please take the time to watch the PSA in the post Below. The VA will be testing this in select markets over the next few weeks but I am told that the phone lines are working. Send the link to everyone you know.
Listen - It doesn't matter who you are, if you're back from over there trying to figure out how to live in the here and now you've thought about suicide. Its an upside down f'd up world and we're all wrung inside out but there is hope.
Some days you've just got to talk to someone and as screwed up as the VA is, there are a lot of people there who care that you stay alive and make it through this.
Families, friends, husbands, wives, sons and daughters its your number too. It sucks living through all of this but the option is a silver box and a flag and I for one choose to live through the hell.
Its living.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Secret Identity Blown
Now I know how Batman felt.
Well maybe not but I bet Scarlett Johannson would do the jello thing if I were Batman.
Sorry - shameless monthly Scarlett Jo and Jello plug.
When I started this blog I chose not to really advertise who I am. My wife and kids deserve to retain as much of their dignity as they can and I'm not whats important here. Whats important here is that folks get a look at life after Iraq in the eyes of a family who lives it.
Well, I blew it.
As a freelance writer, my essays have been in Newsweek, the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News, the Washington Post, The Operation Homecoming anthology by Random House and the NEA and a documentary film based on the anthology. Before today, I have never linked my outside writing with my blog.
BTW - none of that has helped me get any of my novels published.
All in good time though, right?
I write all of this for a couple of reasons: 1) Self Therapy - blogs and essays never say I hate you daddy, and 2) Eventually people will take notice - not of me and mine but of the tens of thousands of young, men, women and their families who have it even worse than us because of sandy vacations gone bad. America has relegated us to the sidelines behind Brittany Spear's panties, the price of gas, the housing crisis, and the odd basketball game. These are all less important than young men and women dying and being maimed in our names.
Yesterday, I had a guest commentary in the Denver Post and they (with my blessing) posted a link to this blog. I thought long and hard about doing that. I talked with my family and finally decided that sharing this is really important. Its not important because I'm a freelance writer in need of more newspapers or a publisher - which I am. Its important that we find a way to get America engaged in the process of taking care of its service members - which it is not.
I write this blog so someday maybe someone will read and think about what they can do for the 20 yo ex Army specialist in NC who is so plagued by post TBI migraines that he can't get out of bed let alone work to support his 19 yo wife and infant children. The Army didn't retire him due to a technicality so the local DAV is keeping them afloat, albeit on food stamps. I write this blog in the hopes that someone (or many someones) will see it and send a letter to their congressman or senator demanding more VA funding and better care for our returning heroes and I write it because I know there are a hell of a lot of others, like me, who feel terribly alone.
Here's the link to the Denver Post Essay.
http://www.denverpost.com/opinionheadlines/ci_9480859
TIA
Peter
Well maybe not but I bet Scarlett Johannson would do the jello thing if I were Batman.
Sorry - shameless monthly Scarlett Jo and Jello plug.
When I started this blog I chose not to really advertise who I am. My wife and kids deserve to retain as much of their dignity as they can and I'm not whats important here. Whats important here is that folks get a look at life after Iraq in the eyes of a family who lives it.
Well, I blew it.
As a freelance writer, my essays have been in Newsweek, the Denver Post/Rocky Mountain News, the Washington Post, The Operation Homecoming anthology by Random House and the NEA and a documentary film based on the anthology. Before today, I have never linked my outside writing with my blog.
BTW - none of that has helped me get any of my novels published.
All in good time though, right?
I write all of this for a couple of reasons: 1) Self Therapy - blogs and essays never say I hate you daddy, and 2) Eventually people will take notice - not of me and mine but of the tens of thousands of young, men, women and their families who have it even worse than us because of sandy vacations gone bad. America has relegated us to the sidelines behind Brittany Spear's panties, the price of gas, the housing crisis, and the odd basketball game. These are all less important than young men and women dying and being maimed in our names.
Yesterday, I had a guest commentary in the Denver Post and they (with my blessing) posted a link to this blog. I thought long and hard about doing that. I talked with my family and finally decided that sharing this is really important. Its not important because I'm a freelance writer in need of more newspapers or a publisher - which I am. Its important that we find a way to get America engaged in the process of taking care of its service members - which it is not.
I write this blog so someday maybe someone will read and think about what they can do for the 20 yo ex Army specialist in NC who is so plagued by post TBI migraines that he can't get out of bed let alone work to support his 19 yo wife and infant children. The Army didn't retire him due to a technicality so the local DAV is keeping them afloat, albeit on food stamps. I write this blog in the hopes that someone (or many someones) will see it and send a letter to their congressman or senator demanding more VA funding and better care for our returning heroes and I write it because I know there are a hell of a lot of others, like me, who feel terribly alone.
Here's the link to the Denver Post Essay.
http://www.denverpost.com/opinionheadlines/ci_9480859
TIA
Peter
Saturday, May 31, 2008
I'm still an ass
Arrgggghhh!
Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks.
I'm finishing my lean six sigma black belt training and with work and trying to finish the breast cancer novel - I'm smoked!
Now you know why I live at http://www.goingwacko.blogspot.com/
My BBG has had a rough couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, a common side effect of TBIs is post TBI migraines and apparently about 30 to 40% of TBI recoveries involve a lifetime of these babies.
They are frequent
They are debilitating
and they leave you prone in a dark room for days praying for the end.
The good news is that Percocet, Valium, and some other hard to spell drugs provide minor relief. The better news is that lots of the aforementioned drugs provide moderate relief. I'll bet you can see where this is going. BBG has had a rough month with these babies and we are going through the approved list of drugs at the speed of light.
I've been pulling twelve hour days at the office and then 6 to 8 on school and novel at home which rapidly turned into a disaster area. Maybe not so much a disaster area but a minnie Mt St Helen's in my living room kind of mess and my vunderkind haven't done squat. I don't expect them to get on their hands and knees and scrub but at 11, 13, and 15, they ought to be able to throw a pizza box in the trash.
I'm a good father - I yelled at all of them
and mommy
Yeah ... I'm an ass.
Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks.
I'm finishing my lean six sigma black belt training and with work and trying to finish the breast cancer novel - I'm smoked!
Now you know why I live at http://www.goingwacko.blogspot.com/
My BBG has had a rough couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, a common side effect of TBIs is post TBI migraines and apparently about 30 to 40% of TBI recoveries involve a lifetime of these babies.
They are frequent
They are debilitating
and they leave you prone in a dark room for days praying for the end.
The good news is that Percocet, Valium, and some other hard to spell drugs provide minor relief. The better news is that lots of the aforementioned drugs provide moderate relief. I'll bet you can see where this is going. BBG has had a rough month with these babies and we are going through the approved list of drugs at the speed of light.
I've been pulling twelve hour days at the office and then 6 to 8 on school and novel at home which rapidly turned into a disaster area. Maybe not so much a disaster area but a minnie Mt St Helen's in my living room kind of mess and my vunderkind haven't done squat. I don't expect them to get on their hands and knees and scrub but at 11, 13, and 15, they ought to be able to throw a pizza box in the trash.
I'm a good father - I yelled at all of them
and mommy
Yeah ... I'm an ass.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The New G.I. Bill - Dead for Now
FROM CNN
" A measure that would give veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan full four-year scholarships, dubbed a new G.I. Bill, also passed by a vote of 266-166, short of the two-thirds needed to override the promised veto by President Bush.
The added benefits would cost $52 billion over 10 years and would be paid for by a 0.5 percent surtax on individuals making more than $500,000 a year and couples making more than $1 million. Calling the new tax a "patriot premium," Democrats argued that it was time for wealthy Americans to share in the sacrifice that troops are making in Iraq. "
Two quick points:
1) I believe in the idea that wealthy Americans need to share in the pain and sacrifices of our service members and their families. Score one for the Democrats. Actually, I think all of America needs to get engaged in the sacrifices of our military. That would do one of two things: a) force Americans to stand up against the war and bring us home, or b) stand up for the military and make sure our disabled veterans get proper care and treatment from the VA and the military, make sure that our active members are recognized for their service, and provide us the tools and material to execute this war - with a nation behind us. There is no force greater than the one with the full weight of the American people behind it.
2) I am dismayed that the President doesn't care enough about us (Veterans, Service Members and their families) to make sure that we can come home from the war and begin to build new lives with an education that will help us succeed. The excuse that it is too costly pales when you look at the weekly cost of these wars.
As a former Army Officer, I am a Republican. I naturally gravitate towards a Republican Party that has generally done a better job of supporting the military over the years than the Democrats have done.
As Republicans - we have found a new way to fail our vets this week.
F&^ck!
" A measure that would give veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan full four-year scholarships, dubbed a new G.I. Bill, also passed by a vote of 266-166, short of the two-thirds needed to override the promised veto by President Bush.
The added benefits would cost $52 billion over 10 years and would be paid for by a 0.5 percent surtax on individuals making more than $500,000 a year and couples making more than $1 million. Calling the new tax a "patriot premium," Democrats argued that it was time for wealthy Americans to share in the sacrifice that troops are making in Iraq. "
Two quick points:
1) I believe in the idea that wealthy Americans need to share in the pain and sacrifices of our service members and their families. Score one for the Democrats. Actually, I think all of America needs to get engaged in the sacrifices of our military. That would do one of two things: a) force Americans to stand up against the war and bring us home, or b) stand up for the military and make sure our disabled veterans get proper care and treatment from the VA and the military, make sure that our active members are recognized for their service, and provide us the tools and material to execute this war - with a nation behind us. There is no force greater than the one with the full weight of the American people behind it.
2) I am dismayed that the President doesn't care enough about us (Veterans, Service Members and their families) to make sure that we can come home from the war and begin to build new lives with an education that will help us succeed. The excuse that it is too costly pales when you look at the weekly cost of these wars.
As a former Army Officer, I am a Republican. I naturally gravitate towards a Republican Party that has generally done a better job of supporting the military over the years than the Democrats have done.
As Republicans - we have found a new way to fail our vets this week.
F&^ck!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
A Brothers Keeper
Rocky Mountain News' Pulitzer winning prize story linked below:
I'm not sure what bothers me most: The fact that most folks don't care, the fact that many don't want to see it, or the fact that I thank god every day that it wasn't me laying my arms across a coffin.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1511792808/bclid1540979014/bctid1539384998
I guess that takes us back to the sins of the father - husband
sighh
I'm not sure what bothers me most: The fact that most folks don't care, the fact that many don't want to see it, or the fact that I thank god every day that it wasn't me laying my arms across a coffin.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1511792808/bclid1540979014/bctid1539384998
I guess that takes us back to the sins of the father - husband
sighh
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Vet Suicides
Sorry,
I've been away for the last couple of weeks but we had some serious family issues. I would explain it if I could but you would never believe me. I still don't believe it happened to us.
Think Alfa Dog
Then let it go and lets just say my chick made it home alive.
Now, lets get back to vet suicides.
It turns out that the head of the VAs Mental Health program, Dr. Ira Katz, very specifically chose to hide the real number of vet suicides that are occurring while vets are under the care of the VA. He misrepresented the data to a level that can almost be considered criminal. He is a man under great pressure from an administration that would like to hide what we are all going through and so he stuck his moral compass back in his ruck and marched on. I don't condone it but I understand it. Please check the link below and decide for yourself.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24302814/
Here is my two cents:
Because of my wife's post Iraq PTSD, our family has been receiving mental health care from the VA for over two years now. It is not always perfect, It doesn't always work, and sometimes I walk away wanting to smack somebody but they are always there.
My wife's VA health care workers are killing themselves to take care of us and to provide hope. I know it doesn't always seem like it by I will always be thankful to them. I'd thank them out loud here - they deserve it - but the butterfly theory always stops me from sharing names here. You know who you are and I appreciate you, my bbf (beautiful blond girl for you newbies) appreciates you too.
She would never admit it but she needs you.
BBF may not be healed but she's still here and given the statistics from the article linked above, I'll take it. The problem is not that there are so many vet suicides. A lot of us have served and many will carry these scars forever. We accept this as a part of service. The crime here, is that most of you don't know how badly we are suffering and the man most able to share that with you, hid it because his political masters don't want you to hear more bad news about the WOT. They want sunshine and roses.
This is war folks - no roses left.
Just thorns.
Here is the info you need to share and demand that your political representatives take care of.
Over one million Iraq vets
34% plus PTSD rates
Over 4045 Killed and over 65,000 wounded
Our VA is underfunded and does not have the resources to care for us. The providers there (not the bureaucrats) will go to any lengths to help us but there is only so much they can do with inadequate resources. We came home broken, messed, mentally torn up and it has changed our lives. Most of us have lost jobs, houses, money and lifestyles because we stand on a wall for everyone else. The Army cannot afford to take care of its own so it is passing the buck to the VA. I'm sure it is the same with the Corps as well.
Send Help - we need it.
I've been away for the last couple of weeks but we had some serious family issues. I would explain it if I could but you would never believe me. I still don't believe it happened to us.
Think Alfa Dog
Then let it go and lets just say my chick made it home alive.
Now, lets get back to vet suicides.
It turns out that the head of the VAs Mental Health program, Dr. Ira Katz, very specifically chose to hide the real number of vet suicides that are occurring while vets are under the care of the VA. He misrepresented the data to a level that can almost be considered criminal. He is a man under great pressure from an administration that would like to hide what we are all going through and so he stuck his moral compass back in his ruck and marched on. I don't condone it but I understand it. Please check the link below and decide for yourself.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24302814/
Here is my two cents:
Because of my wife's post Iraq PTSD, our family has been receiving mental health care from the VA for over two years now. It is not always perfect, It doesn't always work, and sometimes I walk away wanting to smack somebody but they are always there.
My wife's VA health care workers are killing themselves to take care of us and to provide hope. I know it doesn't always seem like it by I will always be thankful to them. I'd thank them out loud here - they deserve it - but the butterfly theory always stops me from sharing names here. You know who you are and I appreciate you, my bbf (beautiful blond girl for you newbies) appreciates you too.
She would never admit it but she needs you.
BBF may not be healed but she's still here and given the statistics from the article linked above, I'll take it. The problem is not that there are so many vet suicides. A lot of us have served and many will carry these scars forever. We accept this as a part of service. The crime here, is that most of you don't know how badly we are suffering and the man most able to share that with you, hid it because his political masters don't want you to hear more bad news about the WOT. They want sunshine and roses.
This is war folks - no roses left.
Just thorns.
Here is the info you need to share and demand that your political representatives take care of.
Over one million Iraq vets
34% plus PTSD rates
Over 4045 Killed and over 65,000 wounded
Our VA is underfunded and does not have the resources to care for us. The providers there (not the bureaucrats) will go to any lengths to help us but there is only so much they can do with inadequate resources. We came home broken, messed, mentally torn up and it has changed our lives. Most of us have lost jobs, houses, money and lifestyles because we stand on a wall for everyone else. The Army cannot afford to take care of its own so it is passing the buck to the VA. I'm sure it is the same with the Corps as well.
Send Help - we need it.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Please God Make me a McCain-Rice Ticket
Twice in one day!
Don't tell my wife - she'd never believe I have the stamina. I'm back here for the second time today because I read the blog, linked below, on CNN.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/
Rumors are rampant among the conservative elite about McCain's running mate. Some have suggested Condaleezza Rice. They just found out how to guarantee my vote. Although some of my democratic friends out and about (LA, NY etc) are probably having nightmares right now, I think this would be a rockin ticket and I would stand on a corner waving a sign for them! Condi stood up to Rummy when no one else would, She's Bill Clinton smart (i.e. oodles of smart) and she knows the global landscape better than anyone else in the United States - aside from maybe the B man himself.
I know she said she's looking forward to going back to Stanford and she'll never see this but I'm going to ask anyway.
Please Madame Secretary! Please... seriously consider running as John McCain's VP. If you do, I will stand on a corneer and wave a sign for you.
Don't tell my wife - she'd never believe I have the stamina. I'm back here for the second time today because I read the blog, linked below, on CNN.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/
Rumors are rampant among the conservative elite about McCain's running mate. Some have suggested Condaleezza Rice. They just found out how to guarantee my vote. Although some of my democratic friends out and about (LA, NY etc) are probably having nightmares right now, I think this would be a rockin ticket and I would stand on a corner waving a sign for them! Condi stood up to Rummy when no one else would, She's Bill Clinton smart (i.e. oodles of smart) and she knows the global landscape better than anyone else in the United States - aside from maybe the B man himself.
I know she said she's looking forward to going back to Stanford and she'll never see this but I'm going to ask anyway.
Please Madame Secretary! Please... seriously consider running as John McCain's VP. If you do, I will stand on a corneer and wave a sign for you.
Wow - that felt good
although not in a Scarlett J and Jello kind of way.
I had made a promise not to wade in to the politics of the upcoming election on here but, as you can see, I'm breaking it and I will probably continue to do so. As a vet and the husband of a 100%disabled Iraq vet I can no longer sit on the sidelines. Ladies and Gentlemen, whether you agree with it or not, we are at war. I actually like Hillary and I think Barack is one of the best speakers I have ever heard but the reality is, Hillary will say whatever she thinks I want to hear and Barack, despite the fact that he says everything beautifully, has no plan. We need a president who can plan and who is execution oriented (not Al Queda in Iraq execution - get crap done execution). As a nation at war, we need a president who has seen combat. Far too often over these last sixteen years, me and mine have been put in harms way by men who have never wondered if they would live to see the next sunrise.
We cannot accept that while we are at war.
Adding Condoleezza Rice's incredible intellect to John McCain's no nonsense, across the aisle, approach to government might just be what we need to get our foreign and domestic messes sorted out.
BTW - since I'm breaking all the rules tonight, here's a shout out to a great actress, producer, H-land type out in LA - A.L. and her significant other - H. Its been too long guys and I am uber Impressed that someone in your line of work is proud of being a Republican. That takes guts and personal courage! I hope you're having good luck with that special something you're trying to get.
P.S. Would have used your names but life is fragile and you know me - I'd hate to be the butterfly.
Operation Purple - Serious Today
Its warm (55°) and kinda cloudy today in Denver. South of town where I live, the snow is expected to start flying tonight. Winter Storm Warnings and 4 to 8 of the white stuff.
You've got to love spring time in the Rockies.
I don't talk about my kids too much in here. Most of that is intentional. I love them, would be lost without them but the reality is they just need to try to be kids again. What they've lost, they'll never get back, no matter how hard I try so I usually leave them out of this.
If you and your children have ever lived through having your significant other being medevac'd out of Iraq or Afghanistan you would know that an Army casualty notification kills a piece of their childhood. I hid my wife's injuries until she was within a day or two of coming home. Then I sat down and tried to explain it all to them.
BTW - I probably screwed that part up too. Just add it to the list!
I didn't let them meet her plane at Fort Bragg. She was going straight to the hospital in an ambulance anyway. I did let them visit her there though.
Like us, kids go through phases of loss when dealing with a mom or dad who doesn't hike or climb or play Frisbee or kayak or do any of that fun stuff anymore. we all go through these phases of loss but I think it is harder on them. It has to be - ten year olds haven't learned to deal with loss or pain. Come to think of it - neither have I.
I'm digressing - Sorry!
The point of this post is to talk about Operation Purple: Operation Purple is a series of summer camps around the country for kids of service members who are deployed. Developed and promoted by the national Military Family Association(NMFA) with some serious sponsorship from the Dells and Sears, it is a place where military kids get to be kids again. our children need to be around other kids who know what their lives are like. They need to be around kids who can relate to what they have gone through. They also run some camps for the children of disabled service members and disabled vets of the WOT. These kids (Mine) have a whole other list of issues to deal with.
Please check out the link and spread it around.
http://www.operationpurple.org/
Peace
You've got to love spring time in the Rockies.
I don't talk about my kids too much in here. Most of that is intentional. I love them, would be lost without them but the reality is they just need to try to be kids again. What they've lost, they'll never get back, no matter how hard I try so I usually leave them out of this.
If you and your children have ever lived through having your significant other being medevac'd out of Iraq or Afghanistan you would know that an Army casualty notification kills a piece of their childhood. I hid my wife's injuries until she was within a day or two of coming home. Then I sat down and tried to explain it all to them.
BTW - I probably screwed that part up too. Just add it to the list!
I didn't let them meet her plane at Fort Bragg. She was going straight to the hospital in an ambulance anyway. I did let them visit her there though.
Like us, kids go through phases of loss when dealing with a mom or dad who doesn't hike or climb or play Frisbee or kayak or do any of that fun stuff anymore. we all go through these phases of loss but I think it is harder on them. It has to be - ten year olds haven't learned to deal with loss or pain. Come to think of it - neither have I.
I'm digressing - Sorry!
The point of this post is to talk about Operation Purple: Operation Purple is a series of summer camps around the country for kids of service members who are deployed. Developed and promoted by the national Military Family Association(NMFA) with some serious sponsorship from the Dells and Sears, it is a place where military kids get to be kids again. our children need to be around other kids who know what their lives are like. They need to be around kids who can relate to what they have gone through. They also run some camps for the children of disabled service members and disabled vets of the WOT. These kids (Mine) have a whole other list of issues to deal with.
Please check out the link and spread it around.
http://www.operationpurple.org/
Peace
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Iraqi War Vets and Families
Although the gist of this blog has always been about vets and their families, I'll be the first to admit that I've strayed.
Sorry
In my defense, any of you living in "The Suck" understand that its nice to get away from it once in awhile... and the posts about Scarlett Johannson and Jello are a perfectly normal reaction to a stressful environment so I think you should forgive those too. Time to get back to the real reason I'm here and to give a couple of shout outs:
http://www.groups.msn.com/IraqWarVeterans
Any vet, family member of a vet, friend of a vet and all of the above should check out this link. Its a great group on MSN Groups for, by and about vets. Trust me, the one thing we all need to deal with all of this is someone or many someones who are going through exactly the same thing. Its a great site. Sometimes a little annoying - you can only take so much pain in a day.In the end though, who am I to tell someone whose been over there or married to someone who is back here but mentally still over there to give it a rest. I do after all, write about it every day.
http://www.museoffire.net/Welcome.html
Lawrence Bridges' Muse of Fire is an exploration of the human, historical, and literary value of “Operation Homecoming:” a project created by the NEA to help troops and their families write about their wartime experiences. Featuring interviews and readings by US troops, their families, and distinguished contemporary American writers.
This is a great link to the Film Muse of Fire by larry Bridges. Take a minute and hit Youtube and search Muse of Fire to see some shorts from the film. I can't watch it all the way through without crying and my wife can't watch it all. Of course, I'm in it.
TIA
This is Arabia
Sorry
In my defense, any of you living in "The Suck" understand that its nice to get away from it once in awhile... and the posts about Scarlett Johannson and Jello are a perfectly normal reaction to a stressful environment so I think you should forgive those too. Time to get back to the real reason I'm here and to give a couple of shout outs:
http://www.groups.msn.com/IraqWarVeterans
Any vet, family member of a vet, friend of a vet and all of the above should check out this link. Its a great group on MSN Groups for, by and about vets. Trust me, the one thing we all need to deal with all of this is someone or many someones who are going through exactly the same thing. Its a great site. Sometimes a little annoying - you can only take so much pain in a day.In the end though, who am I to tell someone whose been over there or married to someone who is back here but mentally still over there to give it a rest. I do after all, write about it every day.
http://www.museoffire.net/Welcome.html
Lawrence Bridges' Muse of Fire is an exploration of the human, historical, and literary value of “Operation Homecoming:” a project created by the NEA to help troops and their families write about their wartime experiences. Featuring interviews and readings by US troops, their families, and distinguished contemporary American writers.
This is a great link to the Film Muse of Fire by larry Bridges. Take a minute and hit Youtube and search Muse of Fire to see some shorts from the film. I can't watch it all the way through without crying and my wife can't watch it all. Of course, I'm in it.
TIA
This is Arabia
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I'm an ass
I turned old this week and I made a big deal out of no one making a big deal out of my birthday.
No one did.
I was pissed. After three and a half years of the post Iraq Army, the VA, The PTSD, the bullsh$#$% the tears, the beers and the lack of sleep, you would think I would learn to say what I mean and mean what I say.
I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I didn't get a birthday or the fact that I'm older. I think we all probably know the answer to that. I'm still beating myself up because I miss early mornings with bad coffee and fresh Copenhagen as some foreign sun comes up. I live for that but I can't go down that road. It wouldn't be fair to my wife or my kids. I know that. I have known it. I'll always know it.
Still....
The only time in my life I have ever felt truly alive is at 0400 running thirty feet and a hundred knots with fresh batteries in my nods. If you haven't done it, you can't imagine how good it feels.
Sighhh
On a good note, I figured out how to play my music as you read this.
No one did.
I was pissed. After three and a half years of the post Iraq Army, the VA, The PTSD, the bullsh$#$% the tears, the beers and the lack of sleep, you would think I would learn to say what I mean and mean what I say.
I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I didn't get a birthday or the fact that I'm older. I think we all probably know the answer to that. I'm still beating myself up because I miss early mornings with bad coffee and fresh Copenhagen as some foreign sun comes up. I live for that but I can't go down that road. It wouldn't be fair to my wife or my kids. I know that. I have known it. I'll always know it.
Still....
The only time in my life I have ever felt truly alive is at 0400 running thirty feet and a hundred knots with fresh batteries in my nods. If you haven't done it, you can't imagine how good it feels.
Sighhh
On a good note, I figured out how to play my music as you read this.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Reap the Whirlwind
I turned old today
Arggghhhhhhh!
Its funny but as I get older I wonder how much is payback. Eventually, we're all going to pay the man I just wonder if my beautiful blond girl is paying for me or for her.
You know the deal - sins of the father.
Maybe its sins of the husband.
Arggghhhhhhh!
Its funny but as I get older I wonder how much is payback. Eventually, we're all going to pay the man I just wonder if my beautiful blond girl is paying for me or for her.
You know the deal - sins of the father.
Maybe its sins of the husband.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Back to Iraq
Short and to the point today - just two items:
1) My wife has been working on an armed forces quilt that will hang with some of her other quilts in the Colorado Governor's Mansion this spring and early summer. Like my writing is for me, her quilting is a way to cope. She was so excited to share a year's work with the kids and I when she finally finished it tonight.
Then she cried for hours. I think she thought that finishing this quilt would make the demons go away. It didn't.
The demons never go away.
2) U.S. Army Sergent Keith Matthew Maupin's parents have their son back. Almost four years after his convoy was attacked and he was taken prisoner by Islamic Terrorists the Army has recovered and identified his remains.
God bless them for giving their son when our nation called. I know the war is an unpleasant topic for most of you but he went to Iraq because America asked him to. It is a debt that none of us can repay. I feel humbled in my little day to day issues when I look at their pain and sacrifice.
our lives may not be the same since my little blond girl came back but she came home and for that I am forever grateful.
Two other soldiers are still missing in Iraq.
Over 2400 remain unaccounted for in Vietnam
over 75,000 from WWII.
1) My wife has been working on an armed forces quilt that will hang with some of her other quilts in the Colorado Governor's Mansion this spring and early summer. Like my writing is for me, her quilting is a way to cope. She was so excited to share a year's work with the kids and I when she finally finished it tonight.
Then she cried for hours. I think she thought that finishing this quilt would make the demons go away. It didn't.
The demons never go away.
2) U.S. Army Sergent Keith Matthew Maupin's parents have their son back. Almost four years after his convoy was attacked and he was taken prisoner by Islamic Terrorists the Army has recovered and identified his remains.
God bless them for giving their son when our nation called. I know the war is an unpleasant topic for most of you but he went to Iraq because America asked him to. It is a debt that none of us can repay. I feel humbled in my little day to day issues when I look at their pain and sacrifice.
our lives may not be the same since my little blond girl came back but she came home and for that I am forever grateful.
Two other soldiers are still missing in Iraq.
Over 2400 remain unaccounted for in Vietnam
over 75,000 from WWII.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Fed Bailout of Individual Mortgages?
Today is a good day to talk politics.
The Iraqi government is in a full fledged battle with Al Sadr's boys in Basra. Hillary can't get her story straight - It was like totally awful with like bullets flying everywhere and the Bosnian Muslims attacking in hordes. OMG!!!
... and my good buddy Barack keeps singing me sunshine songs while birdies fly around his (and Cinderella's) heads. WTF?
Today CNN had a story focused on the fact that there is more traction in Washington to bail individual homeowners out of the mortgage mess.
Again - WTF!!!
Lets be honest folks - did you really think your fifty-five grand a year salary could pay for that five hundred thousand dollar house? Because of you folks, the itty bitty little house next to the one I rent costs four hundred thousand dollars. All these folks drove the market up and up and up on wishes, prayers, pixies and fairy dust. Those of us who were responsible, didn't get that reverse ammortization, interest only, resetable mortgage because we had the brains of my twelve year old.
In his defense - he stopped picking his nose at seven so we're pretty sure the elevator goes all the way to the top floor. What about the rest of you?
I used my head and didn't drop into the hype and now when home prices are resetting into more intelligent levels where I might be able to afford a decent one, the government is going to bail everyone out. That will just cause the average home price to hold steady at an untennable level while banks won't even give mortgages to people with good credit.
What ever happened to personal responsibility?
The Iraqi government is in a full fledged battle with Al Sadr's boys in Basra. Hillary can't get her story straight - It was like totally awful with like bullets flying everywhere and the Bosnian Muslims attacking in hordes. OMG!!!
... and my good buddy Barack keeps singing me sunshine songs while birdies fly around his (and Cinderella's) heads. WTF?
Today CNN had a story focused on the fact that there is more traction in Washington to bail individual homeowners out of the mortgage mess.
Again - WTF!!!
Lets be honest folks - did you really think your fifty-five grand a year salary could pay for that five hundred thousand dollar house? Because of you folks, the itty bitty little house next to the one I rent costs four hundred thousand dollars. All these folks drove the market up and up and up on wishes, prayers, pixies and fairy dust. Those of us who were responsible, didn't get that reverse ammortization, interest only, resetable mortgage because we had the brains of my twelve year old.
In his defense - he stopped picking his nose at seven so we're pretty sure the elevator goes all the way to the top floor. What about the rest of you?
I used my head and didn't drop into the hype and now when home prices are resetting into more intelligent levels where I might be able to afford a decent one, the government is going to bail everyone out. That will just cause the average home price to hold steady at an untennable level while banks won't even give mortgages to people with good credit.
What ever happened to personal responsibility?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Gettin Published
I was commiserating with a friend (English teach/writer turned lawyer because somebody has to feed the dogs and kids) today about how hard it is to get published these days when he reminded me that Ive been published a buttload.
Buttload BTW is my word for the day and means; lots, oodles, more than average in a a quirky sort of way i.e. I like you buttloads.
He's right, I've been uber fortunate to get my stuff into some major U.S. papers and magazines with global reach so I should really stop bitchin and get back to writing. For those of you who fantasize daily, like I do (when I'm done with Scarlett Johansson and Jello) about being an author, you realize that it's not about what you've already done but what's coming next.
I tend to work on a screenplay or two and a couple of novels all at the same time. If I do it that way, whenever one of my characters isn't behaving the way I'd like them too, I just move on to the next one or the next project. Its a huge perk of being a writer - if you don't behave, I won't invent you. I'll let you shrivel up and die and disappear into the great nothing and no one will ever know you even existed.
Its harsh but its good for the soul to have power over something sometimes. I'm married and have kids so I have power over nothing. For me, power over my character isn't so much a nicety as a need and let me tell you; I have needs - did I mention Scarlett Johansson and Jello?
Anyyyyway - Its not being published that drives me, although the car does need a new alternator and my middle son has a hollow leg, oh yeah and the border collie needed surgery last week.
I write because I want people to feel, if only for a moment, the way I feel, the way my characters feel when they live their lives. Getting cash on the side would be cool but to me its more about sharing the emotion and the day to day that make up the here and now. One day, one or more of my novels will sell and the vet can cut up the dog without fear of that look in my eye - you know the one measuring the balance between surgery and the final shot.
Of course to get there, I should probably go find an agent.
Buttload BTW is my word for the day and means; lots, oodles, more than average in a a quirky sort of way i.e. I like you buttloads.
He's right, I've been uber fortunate to get my stuff into some major U.S. papers and magazines with global reach so I should really stop bitchin and get back to writing. For those of you who fantasize daily, like I do (when I'm done with Scarlett Johansson and Jello) about being an author, you realize that it's not about what you've already done but what's coming next.
I tend to work on a screenplay or two and a couple of novels all at the same time. If I do it that way, whenever one of my characters isn't behaving the way I'd like them too, I just move on to the next one or the next project. Its a huge perk of being a writer - if you don't behave, I won't invent you. I'll let you shrivel up and die and disappear into the great nothing and no one will ever know you even existed.
Its harsh but its good for the soul to have power over something sometimes. I'm married and have kids so I have power over nothing. For me, power over my character isn't so much a nicety as a need and let me tell you; I have needs - did I mention Scarlett Johansson and Jello?
Anyyyyway - Its not being published that drives me, although the car does need a new alternator and my middle son has a hollow leg, oh yeah and the border collie needed surgery last week.
I write because I want people to feel, if only for a moment, the way I feel, the way my characters feel when they live their lives. Getting cash on the side would be cool but to me its more about sharing the emotion and the day to day that make up the here and now. One day, one or more of my novels will sell and the vet can cut up the dog without fear of that look in my eye - you know the one measuring the balance between surgery and the final shot.
Of course to get there, I should probably go find an agent.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Cliente Nueve
Here we are almost five years from the invasion of Iraq and I have nothing to say about the matter. OK, thats not exactly correct, I sold that to a newspaper this morning so I can't share it here.
I do however have lots to say about Client Number Nine. Yes you guessed it, I have to wade in. Afterall, its become apparent that it isn't just Governor Spitzer's poll numbers that have been dropping. I wonder if Bill Clinton could call and give him a couple of pointers?
Little things like:
1. Dude - next time use an intern
2. I know where you can get a good price on Havannas
3. Hilliary would have killed me if I'd sent for take out.
I know I shouldn't be making fun of a man who got caught following the wrong advisor but isn't that something we all learned back in college. It is also amazingly funny to me that he is America's premiere crime fighter.
There are one or two sobering thoughts that go into this:
1. The money he spent on a piece of a$$ for two hours could pay off my wife's debt to the Army for overpayment of combat pay when she was medevac'd out.
2. Do you know how many homeless vets he could have fed instead of feeding something else to someone else?
** The most sobering though of all: While new York Governor Elliot Spitzer was cheating on his wife and the people of New York in a D.C. hotel, a U.S Army Staff Sergent was killed at Camp Beuhring Kuwait.
Of the people by the people and for the people
yeah - got it.
I do however have lots to say about Client Number Nine. Yes you guessed it, I have to wade in. Afterall, its become apparent that it isn't just Governor Spitzer's poll numbers that have been dropping. I wonder if Bill Clinton could call and give him a couple of pointers?
Little things like:
1. Dude - next time use an intern
2. I know where you can get a good price on Havannas
3. Hilliary would have killed me if I'd sent for take out.
I know I shouldn't be making fun of a man who got caught following the wrong advisor but isn't that something we all learned back in college. It is also amazingly funny to me that he is America's premiere crime fighter.
There are one or two sobering thoughts that go into this:
1. The money he spent on a piece of a$$ for two hours could pay off my wife's debt to the Army for overpayment of combat pay when she was medevac'd out.
2. Do you know how many homeless vets he could have fed instead of feeding something else to someone else?
** The most sobering though of all: While new York Governor Elliot Spitzer was cheating on his wife and the people of New York in a D.C. hotel, a U.S Army Staff Sergent was killed at Camp Beuhring Kuwait.
Of the people by the people and for the people
yeah - got it.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Politics and Anger
As the title implies, I intended for this little spooge session to be all about the elections.
Oops
I just can't seem to bring myself to get engaged in the political process. Hillary promises whatever the current audience seems to want to hear, Obama promises nothing really (Although he sounds wonderful when he does it) and John McCain promises (although not in so many words) that my children will join the fate of their parents and fight in Iraq, Afghanistan or some other third world place that doesn't like Americans.
Its hard to get excited about the process when its just that - a process to see which set of empty promises we will follow into the next phase of the WOT (war on terror). Fortunately, the rest of America is focused on the really important issues like Brittany's visitation rights and why Wal~Mart is bad.
Its a wonder the Vagina Monologues every made it big.
I have however channeled my rage and I'm coming along nicely with my writing. I just finished another screenplay and am madly working on a novel about breast cancer. My mother in-law is a survivor and her sister is in treatment now so it has been a good place to focus the anger. A friend told me I was "Whack" for writing love stories but I did remind him that everybody dies in the end so its in perfect keeping with everything else in our lives right now.
BTW - What the F*&$ does whack mean?
I am also finding that my anger is harder to find these days. I read the Iraqi bloggers and find myself crushed by their misery and uplifted by how they manage to go on. I think the difference is the economy of scale. I have lost the girl I once knew but am slowly finding the one I have now. She is still beautiful, alive, and little bits of her poke out when I least expect it. They have lost friends and families, neighborhoods and cities, they live in fear every day yet they find time to laugh at the silly things their mothers say when the power comes on.
I wonder if they hate me because I am Amis or if they are as curious about me as I am about them. Strangely, the only friend from Iraq that my wife thinks about every day is the Iraqi surgeon who kept her sane when the madness swirled around her. You would think that I would be concerned when she calls his name in her sleep but I'm not. He was a light in the darkness and I am thankful for a man who kept a light shining in the darkest of places. I would write his name and say thank you or try to find him but I dare not. Life is a delicate thing and I would hate to be the butterfly.
Today's ramble is done and I feel better for it. As it goes, I am writing uncontrollably lately so perhaps more will soon follow.
Oops
I just can't seem to bring myself to get engaged in the political process. Hillary promises whatever the current audience seems to want to hear, Obama promises nothing really (Although he sounds wonderful when he does it) and John McCain promises (although not in so many words) that my children will join the fate of their parents and fight in Iraq, Afghanistan or some other third world place that doesn't like Americans.
Its hard to get excited about the process when its just that - a process to see which set of empty promises we will follow into the next phase of the WOT (war on terror). Fortunately, the rest of America is focused on the really important issues like Brittany's visitation rights and why Wal~Mart is bad.
Its a wonder the Vagina Monologues every made it big.
I have however channeled my rage and I'm coming along nicely with my writing. I just finished another screenplay and am madly working on a novel about breast cancer. My mother in-law is a survivor and her sister is in treatment now so it has been a good place to focus the anger. A friend told me I was "Whack" for writing love stories but I did remind him that everybody dies in the end so its in perfect keeping with everything else in our lives right now.
BTW - What the F*&$ does whack mean?
I am also finding that my anger is harder to find these days. I read the Iraqi bloggers and find myself crushed by their misery and uplifted by how they manage to go on. I think the difference is the economy of scale. I have lost the girl I once knew but am slowly finding the one I have now. She is still beautiful, alive, and little bits of her poke out when I least expect it. They have lost friends and families, neighborhoods and cities, they live in fear every day yet they find time to laugh at the silly things their mothers say when the power comes on.
I wonder if they hate me because I am Amis or if they are as curious about me as I am about them. Strangely, the only friend from Iraq that my wife thinks about every day is the Iraqi surgeon who kept her sane when the madness swirled around her. You would think that I would be concerned when she calls his name in her sleep but I'm not. He was a light in the darkness and I am thankful for a man who kept a light shining in the darkest of places. I would write his name and say thank you or try to find him but I dare not. Life is a delicate thing and I would hate to be the butterfly.
Today's ramble is done and I feel better for it. As it goes, I am writing uncontrollably lately so perhaps more will soon follow.
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