Its hard to believe its been 9 years since BBGs humvee, UH-6o ambulance hospital airplane hospital airplane hospital airplane ambulance ride home. I know of said it before but my kids have paid the biggest price. The mom used to have is not the one they ended up with through no fault of their own. I, on the other hand, signed the contract and said the vows.
I deserve the Ground Hog Days of life after Iraq.
Well, I don' think anyone deserves this but I committed to the girl and so get committed to this whether I like it or not. I have to tell you though - I'm tired. I used to think I was a good guy for sticking through it all. The yelling the shitty behaviors, the mean things said to friends, the focus on those friends and not us and the kids. I'm beginning to wonder though.
Am I a good guy or just a fool?
Sometimes I wonder...
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
And the band plays on...
This one will be quick...
mainly because the boy with my name and I are headed out for some I-Hop.
Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity anyone?
Seriously though - I deleted the last ten posts because they got too personal and despite the anonimity of cyberspace, they don't only belong to me. They tell the story of the people I love and you know how I hate to be the butterfly.
Wings flappin - hurricanes in Guam.
I'll rewrite them later tonight - not to censor myself but I think there's a better way to say what I need to say and I think its important to share. Folks who don't live with PTSD every day can't imagine what its like - especially for the family members (mostly the kids) of the one who is suffering.
The story needs to continue to be told.
TIA
Earl
mainly because the boy with my name and I are headed out for some I-Hop.
Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity anyone?
Seriously though - I deleted the last ten posts because they got too personal and despite the anonimity of cyberspace, they don't only belong to me. They tell the story of the people I love and you know how I hate to be the butterfly.
Wings flappin - hurricanes in Guam.
I'll rewrite them later tonight - not to censor myself but I think there's a better way to say what I need to say and I think its important to share. Folks who don't live with PTSD every day can't imagine what its like - especially for the family members (mostly the kids) of the one who is suffering.
The story needs to continue to be told.
TIA
Earl
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The boy with my name
Funny - in the middle of all my whining (lets face it , thats what this blog is), the boy with my name smoked his final history paper this semester. Despite all that my children have been through with a mother living under the veil of TBI and PTSD and a father struggling to live through everything else, they manage to keep going and sometimes even thrive.
Just goes to show that maybe nurture isn't all its cracked up to be.
TIA
Earl
Just goes to show that maybe nurture isn't all its cracked up to be.
TIA
Earl
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Nothing to fear but fear itself
BBG is involved in an arts program to help with her PTSD, with some Artsy kind of folks and soldiers from Fort Carson. She is actually a good painter and already an artist in her own right for Quilting and Fiber Art. These are her friends and they help each other so she jumped right in when they said they were coming up to Denver from the Springs to hit some of the galleries.
This is our text stream from this morning. I am at work and trying not to get fired for always being on the phone.
BBG: They are coming to pick me up
Me: Good - have fun
BBG: yeah I'm excited
Me: Cool - Have fun
BBG: I want to go
Me: Thats nice. Have fun
BBG: I will because it will be fun
me: Good
BBG: They're on their way
ME: Great Hon
BBG: I'll be headed out soon
ME: Have fun - Ciao (read hint hint - GOOD BYE)
BBG: Well I'm going to get ready
ME: later (Thinking - You're not ready Already???!)
5 minute pause - sound of me actually doing work in the back ground
BBG: They just called and they are at the old house (We moved 19 months ago)
Me: Did you give them the new address?
BBG: I guess I forgot
ME: Do they have it now?
BBG: Umm - yeah
ME: OK
BBG: I was hoping they'd just skip me since they went to the wrong address
ME: Really?
BBG: I don't really want to go - I think
ME: Oh
BBG: Its in the city
ME: uhh yeah (Duhhh!!!)
BBG: I'm tired
ME: uhh huhhh
BBG: Lots of people and stuff
ME: uhh huhhh
mysterious five minute pause - getting ready maybe?
BBG: heading out now seeya (Happy as can be)
ME: ????
Some days are just freaking exhausting!!!
Earl
This is our text stream from this morning. I am at work and trying not to get fired for always being on the phone.
BBG: They are coming to pick me up
Me: Good - have fun
BBG: yeah I'm excited
Me: Cool - Have fun
BBG: I want to go
Me: Thats nice. Have fun
BBG: I will because it will be fun
me: Good
BBG: They're on their way
ME: Great Hon
BBG: I'll be headed out soon
ME: Have fun - Ciao (read hint hint - GOOD BYE)
BBG: Well I'm going to get ready
ME: later (Thinking - You're not ready Already???!)
5 minute pause - sound of me actually doing work in the back ground
BBG: They just called and they are at the old house (We moved 19 months ago)
Me: Did you give them the new address?
BBG: I guess I forgot
ME: Do they have it now?
BBG: Umm - yeah
ME: OK
BBG: I was hoping they'd just skip me since they went to the wrong address
ME: Really?
BBG: I don't really want to go - I think
ME: Oh
BBG: Its in the city
ME: uhh yeah (Duhhh!!!)
BBG: I'm tired
ME: uhh huhhh
BBG: Lots of people and stuff
ME: uhh huhhh
mysterious five minute pause - getting ready maybe?
BBG: heading out now seeya (Happy as can be)
ME: ????
Some days are just freaking exhausting!!!
Earl
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
It lives
Title says it all... and I've been gone for awhile...
I left because I think I needed to ignore Iraq for awhile. truth is you really can't ignore it. seven and a half years since BBG got the humvee helo plane hospital plane hospital plane plane ambulance hospital ride home from the big sandy and it is crushingly part of every day of our lives. Putting it down on paper just keeps it at the surface and I decided to let the fire burn low for awhile.
I had planned on a couple of months
give or take (30ish)
and now here we are... he's baaaack
(Insert visual of kid on tricycle and creepy ghost girls here)
I'm not sure how much I'm going to talk about life after Iraq, PTSD, TBI etc. or how in depth I will go. How many times can you say it sucks ass and has been as tough on you and the kids as it has been on BBG before it starts to sound like whining?
TBI month (Yes - this month) and my novels got me thinking about it again so I think I'll just see how it goes.
I left because I think I needed to ignore Iraq for awhile. truth is you really can't ignore it. seven and a half years since BBG got the humvee helo plane hospital plane hospital plane plane ambulance hospital ride home from the big sandy and it is crushingly part of every day of our lives. Putting it down on paper just keeps it at the surface and I decided to let the fire burn low for awhile.
I had planned on a couple of months
give or take (30ish)
and now here we are... he's baaaack
(Insert visual of kid on tricycle and creepy ghost girls here)
I'm not sure how much I'm going to talk about life after Iraq, PTSD, TBI etc. or how in depth I will go. How many times can you say it sucks ass and has been as tough on you and the kids as it has been on BBG before it starts to sound like whining?
TBI month (Yes - this month) and my novels got me thinking about it again so I think I'll just see how it goes.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Never Forget
This last week several polls about the war in Afghanistan were widely reported in the media. Net net, it was determined that roughly half of all Americans are tired of the war in Afghnistan and feel that it is time to walk away. According to the White House Press Office, the President is weighing his options.
As per normal, I'll share a few thoughts (This is after all my blog and I get to say whatever I want) WTF - that came out of nowhere. Seriously though - have we forgotten why we invaded Afghanistan?
Let me remind you.
Although polls are an accepted part of our political landscape, they should never be used to make policy. Divestiture of the Afghan problem would simply lay bare an area four times the size of Texas for Islamic Extremists to train and prepare for their next horrific attack on the free nations of the world and yes (even to the Obama haters) that includes the United States - this beautiful country we all love and that my family has bled for since the revolutionary war. I realize that most of you who read this blog are military or veteran associated and so, like me and mine, have a vested interest in what happens in these wars we have been fighting. I also realize that a few of you have no such association and it is to you this message goes.
War and what it brings (mostly to the young) is abhorrent to all civilized peoples and yet there are times when it is necessary to depose those who would seek to inflict tragedy on others. Young men woman must die. I know too many - as friends and sons and fathers and even one mother. It is a burden I carry with me each day as I wake and each night as I sleep but it is a burden I believe in. Their lives have not been in spent in vain. As of this morning eight hundred forty-eight young American men and woman have laid down their lives in this far away place so that you and I will never have to suffer the consequences of Radical Muslims who believe that our deaths (all of our deaths) is a requirement to stand faithfully in front of God. If we leave, if we do not bring hope to a land that is void of hope and thus a breeding ground for radicalism, we will surely consign ouselves to greater tragedies in the years to come.
Each of these service members stand proudly on a wall, they give their lives, so that we never have to count the thousands or even the tens of thousands on our soil again. Do you think we should base their sacrifice on a poll - plus or minus 3.5%
TIA
EARL
As per normal, I'll share a few thoughts (This is after all my blog and I get to say whatever I want) WTF - that came out of nowhere. Seriously though - have we forgotten why we invaded Afghanistan?
Let me remind you.
Although polls are an accepted part of our political landscape, they should never be used to make policy. Divestiture of the Afghan problem would simply lay bare an area four times the size of Texas for Islamic Extremists to train and prepare for their next horrific attack on the free nations of the world and yes (even to the Obama haters) that includes the United States - this beautiful country we all love and that my family has bled for since the revolutionary war. I realize that most of you who read this blog are military or veteran associated and so, like me and mine, have a vested interest in what happens in these wars we have been fighting. I also realize that a few of you have no such association and it is to you this message goes.
War and what it brings (mostly to the young) is abhorrent to all civilized peoples and yet there are times when it is necessary to depose those who would seek to inflict tragedy on others. Young men woman must die. I know too many - as friends and sons and fathers and even one mother. It is a burden I carry with me each day as I wake and each night as I sleep but it is a burden I believe in. Their lives have not been in spent in vain. As of this morning eight hundred forty-eight young American men and woman have laid down their lives in this far away place so that you and I will never have to suffer the consequences of Radical Muslims who believe that our deaths (all of our deaths) is a requirement to stand faithfully in front of God. If we leave, if we do not bring hope to a land that is void of hope and thus a breeding ground for radicalism, we will surely consign ouselves to greater tragedies in the years to come.
Each of these service members stand proudly on a wall, they give their lives, so that we never have to count the thousands or even the tens of thousands on our soil again. Do you think we should base their sacrifice on a poll - plus or minus 3.5%
TIA
EARL
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Back with a Vengance
Sorry for the long hiatus friends.
I needed time for me and for my family as a lot has been happening and I owe some call outs:
1) BBG had her charity event and she and her quilting supporters finished over 200 quilts for our wounded and injured as they are medevac'd through Landstuhl. They also raised over $7,000 for the veterans wheelchair games which will be held in Denver next July. I'd like to call out the nurses and staff at the VA who gave her their time, love and support in this effort. I won't name them "D, JS, and crew". You know I hate to be the butterfly. I'd also like to thank the woman of the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) of which she is one. They are truly an example of friendship, love and support and stand for what makes America the greatest place in the world. They are the patriots who can trace their lineage to our war of independence and once again they have risen to the occasion. Jim and Nicks barbecue of Denver for showing true support and providing amazing barbecue at cost for the Phipps Mansion display and celebration of 180 quilts. You are all patriots and I will be there if ever you need me. You have earned it.
2) The armor company, EBS Composites Group, of which I am the COO and which has made some mind bending advances in body, vehicle, marine and aircraft armor in the last few months. It has taken every waking hour above and beyond my day job as an engineer. Soon you will hear our name lots as we are stopping rounds at half the weight and 30% of the cost of most of the industry. After all, why should our soldiers be weighed down any more than they already are and why should our government pay a premium to save the lives of the men and woman who stand on a wall in our names. This aint hype - last weekend I unloaded a full nine millimeter clip and a mag of 44s into a .7 lb AD panel, at point blank range, with no penetrations and multiple Ak rounds into a 1lb AD plate with the same result. The armor market's about to be turned upside down.
3) My herd of kidlets for suviving all of this without much parental support and most importantly I owe the world to BBG.
4) BBG has done all of this despite being physically crushed and dealing with PTSD that seems to be at its worst right now. She is a force of nature, despite her disabilities and it is why, 18 years ago, I married her. Her tenacity in the face of all of this makes me feel a little more insignificant and blessed every day. Now I just need to figure out a way to get her a cleaning lady.
Now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, I want to give you a heads up on tomorrow's blog:
It will be about the war in Afghanistan and the fact the pollsters say America is sick of being invloved in it. I'll share why this is a war we must fight and if need be why I would be willing to fight it for you.
TIA
Earl
I needed time for me and for my family as a lot has been happening and I owe some call outs:
1) BBG had her charity event and she and her quilting supporters finished over 200 quilts for our wounded and injured as they are medevac'd through Landstuhl. They also raised over $7,000 for the veterans wheelchair games which will be held in Denver next July. I'd like to call out the nurses and staff at the VA who gave her their time, love and support in this effort. I won't name them "D, JS, and crew". You know I hate to be the butterfly. I'd also like to thank the woman of the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) of which she is one. They are truly an example of friendship, love and support and stand for what makes America the greatest place in the world. They are the patriots who can trace their lineage to our war of independence and once again they have risen to the occasion. Jim and Nicks barbecue of Denver for showing true support and providing amazing barbecue at cost for the Phipps Mansion display and celebration of 180 quilts. You are all patriots and I will be there if ever you need me. You have earned it.
2) The armor company, EBS Composites Group, of which I am the COO and which has made some mind bending advances in body, vehicle, marine and aircraft armor in the last few months. It has taken every waking hour above and beyond my day job as an engineer. Soon you will hear our name lots as we are stopping rounds at half the weight and 30% of the cost of most of the industry. After all, why should our soldiers be weighed down any more than they already are and why should our government pay a premium to save the lives of the men and woman who stand on a wall in our names. This aint hype - last weekend I unloaded a full nine millimeter clip and a mag of 44s into a .7 lb AD panel, at point blank range, with no penetrations and multiple Ak rounds into a 1lb AD plate with the same result. The armor market's about to be turned upside down.
3) My herd of kidlets for suviving all of this without much parental support and most importantly I owe the world to BBG.
4) BBG has done all of this despite being physically crushed and dealing with PTSD that seems to be at its worst right now. She is a force of nature, despite her disabilities and it is why, 18 years ago, I married her. Her tenacity in the face of all of this makes me feel a little more insignificant and blessed every day. Now I just need to figure out a way to get her a cleaning lady.
Now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, I want to give you a heads up on tomorrow's blog:
It will be about the war in Afghanistan and the fact the pollsters say America is sick of being invloved in it. I'll share why this is a war we must fight and if need be why I would be willing to fight it for you.
TIA
Earl
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