Late Nights

Another late night....

We found out today that my blushing bride (I'll simply refer to her as JTE from now on) is off to the VA's only inpatient program for women vets with PTSD. Its a sixty to ninety day deep dive and I hope it will be good for her. Actually, we found out last week that she had been accepted but it took her several days and a half dozen pro con lists before she finally decided to give it a go. This group will all be combat vets from Iraq so I think that will be good for her. The final deciding factor - only forty beds a year for this and she may not get another chance for a long time.

She doesn't have a long time.

Actually, I don't think any of us do. The kids are totally fried and so am I and I know she's living on the edge. I don't think she or I have had a full night sleep in the two years since she got medevac'd out of Iraq. She's having really bad nightmares again and I half expect to find her standing to on the perimeter when I hear her screaming.

I guess that'll keep the neighbors on their toes.

I'm sure I'm not helping her at all. I quit my job last spring because I couldn't keep up the seventy hour a week schedule and help her at home - which was falling apart. Now, were flat broke and I've had to go back to work. The new job is awesome (my first time back in Aviation since I got hurt and the Army grounded me) and the hours are much better. I get to talk aviation all day and several of the other guys are also Black Hawk Pilots but I think she is afraid that I'll get hooked on the flying again and sign up with the Guard.

Don't get me wrong, the thought has crossed my mind but I won't do it. I can't imagine that me heading over for a sandy vacation would help her PTSD at all. Straight up - I think it would kill her. Then of course there are the kids. None of them are doing well with this at all. I wish I could make it better for them but there's nothing to say. Mommy's broken and I don't know when it will get any better or if it will get any better - hang in there?

Now, I have to figure out how to balance the new job and three kids while she goes off to get help. I'm not much help these days. I sucked at it when she went to Iraq in the first place - I can't imagine I'll be any better this time..