I'm an ass

I turned old this week and I made a big deal out of no one making a big deal out of my birthday.

No one did.

I was pissed. After three and a half years of the post Iraq Army, the VA, The PTSD, the bullsh$#$% the tears, the beers and the lack of sleep, you would think I would learn to say what I mean and mean what I say.

I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I didn't get a birthday or the fact that I'm older. I think we all probably know the answer to that. I'm still beating myself up because I miss early mornings with bad coffee and fresh Copenhagen as some foreign sun comes up. I live for that but I can't go down that road. It wouldn't be fair to my wife or my kids. I know that. I have known it. I'll always know it.

Still....

The only time in my life I have ever felt truly alive is at 0400 running thirty feet and a hundred knots with fresh batteries in my nods. If you haven't done it, you can't imagine how good it feels.

Sighhh

On a good note, I figured out how to play my music as you read this.